Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Day 147: My infatuation with computer geeks

It has been suggested in terms of my heart problems to investigate the mind program of 'who my heart belongs to', and where I do not heart myself, but rather give into relationship thought patterns.



I was always infatuated with the smartest guy in class, who was also attractive. Only once in my life I remember being infatuated with an attractive guy, who didn't do so well in school. This later developed into specifically being very attracted to computer geeks, especially programmers, because programmers are the smartest of them all. I was always most impressed with hacker characters in movies, where they were portrayed as superheroes, who can access any type of data.

My first boyfriend fit the profile of my perfect partner. He used to do programming, and he knew how to fix my computer, no matter what was wrong with it. I recently remembered how turned on I was, when I saw him fixing my computer. He was doing something that I didn't understand at all (although I considered myself to be a bit of a computer geek at the time), but it made my computer work, and I was cooked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a character that becomes infatuated with computer geeks/programmers/hackers, because I defined/perceived them to be superior to other people in terms of being more intelligent/smart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become instantly attracted to guys whom I perceived to be computer geeks/programmers/hackers. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become most impressed with hacker/programmer characters in movies, because they are the smartest, instead of realising and understanding that I become infatuated with those characters because I have templated 'my type' of guy based on my father, whom I perceived to be a very smart/intelligent person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be in relationships with supersmart people - computer geeks/programmers/hackers, in order to be able to define myself with them and make myself feel superior and worthy of them wanting to be in a relationship with me, because with that I would prove to myself that I am smart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be a computer geek/programmer/hacker myself, because I perceived/defined them to be superior to other people, so I wanted to be like that, so that I would be perceived by others as superior in my smartness/intelligence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with computer geeks/hackers/programmers and define/perceive them as superior to other people for their programming/hacking/computer fixing abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself with the desire to be in a relationship with a computer geek/programmer/hacker in order to define myself with the relationship and make myself feel superior and more than for being in such a relationship.

When and as I see myself becoming/being attracted, impressed and infatuated with someone I perceive to be a computer geek/hacker/programmer, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I define/perceive computer geeks/programmers/hackers to be superior and more than other people, and other people to be inferior to them, as they are not as smart. Therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, realising and understanding that computer geeks/programmers/hackers are people that are equal to others, they just had different possibilities in life that allowed them to develop their skills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive computer programmers/hackers as superior, more intelligent/smart than other people, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I separate people into more and less intelligent, not realising and understanding that the people I perceive to be more intelligent only had the possibility of developing themselves and their skills more than others, whom I perceived to be less intelligent.

I commit myself to stop my attraction to and infatuation with computer programmers/hackers/geeks, because I realise and understand that those people only had more chances in life of developing their skills than others, and that every human being has the potential of developing some skill or other to a level that would be perceived as 'impressive', given the chance, if the money factor didn't exist.

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