Thursday, 23 May 2013

Day 159: Scanning males as potential partners




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously, when meeting new men whom I see/perceive to be interested in me sexually, take interest in them from that sexual/relationship perspective, and check out their looks, social status and income status, and speculate about those things and come to conclusions in my mind about them just from looking at their picture, instead of realising and understanding that I am following a preprogrammed mind design, where I will equate men, whose pictures are in line with what I have in my mind accepted to be a picture of a "successful" man in terms of survival in this world (money and social status), with success, and label them as possible/potential partners, not realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating my self-responsibility within my wish/desire to have a partner whom I perceive would be giving me "stability" - thus survival in this system - by being what I perceive to be a "successful male".

When and as I see myself being/becoming interested in men from the perspective of having them as potential partners, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am searching for stability and success and dignified survival and safety in another by means of sexual and emotional manipulation, instead of working towards giving those things to myself. Therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and regard men as equal human beings and not potential partners, where I would judge and label and grade them.

I commit myself to stopping looking at men as potential partners, because I realise and understand that by doing that I am only looking for ways to in a partnership hide from myself and my own absolute self-responsibility and self-sustainability.

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