Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Day 151: Every single human being is absolutely mad

Yesterday a friend came over to visit. In the past year his mental state deteriorated a lot, and during the visit I was witnessing a complete mind possession. He completely allowed his thoughts to take control of him, despite having all the knowledge and tools to not allow it. This possession has escalated to a point, where he talks to himself and gestures a lot, hardly recognizing or acknowledging anyone in his vicinity. I was absolutely amazed to see this. His thoughts took over so much, that it has screwed up his physical wiring. He actually needs to be medicated in order to regain some control over his body. The sad part is that no one in his surroundings seems to be recognizing this.

At some point I suggested to his friend (I'll name him Friend2 for the purpose of differentiation), who came with him, that we should take him to the hospital and show him to the doctors in this state. But Friend2 chickened out, because he's afraid of Friend1's parents. But Friend1's parents don't seem to be recognizing that Friend1 needs help, because they're afraid of some kind of stigma. So he's left completely on his own, a broken unit that all the other units seem to be ignoring, me included. See, I didn't push the point of helping him, because I was afraid of making Friend2 too uncomfortable if I did. Therefore we said our goodbyes, and as they left, I walked from the front door to my room. I was incredibly angry at myself for not helping, so I said "Fuck" out loud and made an angry gesture towards myself. In that moment I stopped, completely flabbergasted with what I just did. I did the absolutely same thing that "crazy" Friend1 was doing while visiting, only on a much smaller scale. I also talked to myself and gestured. By those standards I am also "crazy". Every human is, in fact. We do not have control over our thoughts, we mostly do not know where they originate from and we all talk to them. Ourselves. Because inside we are separated into a myriad of thoughts, each and every single of which is us, and yet isn't. Crazy, huh?

I realised a bit more the importance of doing Process, of deprogramming and removing thoughts with Self-Forgiveness, of Amalgamating with Self until all that is left is Me Here in Understanding and Breath, Directing Myself as Life as What is Best for All Life.

Stop the craziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from helping someone, when and as I see that they need help, just because I am afraid that it might inconvenience me or someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of helping another human being, because then people might see me as weird, instead of realising that it is absolutely crazy and demented to live in a world where helping people is seen as weird. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people who want to help other people as weird and uncommon, instead of realising that with this exact belief I am fuelling the fucked-upedness of this world, where no one is ready to help a neighbour.

When and as I see myself allowing myself to not help someone, when I know exactly what needs to be done, and justifying it with any kind of thoughts, I stop and I breathe. I remove the dis-empowering thoughts with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in Breath towards what is Best for All.

I commit myself to stop being inactive, when I see that someone or something needs help or fixing and I have all the know-how to do it, because I realise and understand that I am one unit in this broken oneness, and I need to take responsibility to fix another unit if it is broken, because I myself would like to be fixed if I was broken.

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