Saturday, 25 May 2013

Day 161: War



I watched a movie, inspired by real events. In WW2 three Germans and two Englishmen, who had shot each other's planes down,  found themselves together in a hunting cabin in the middle of the Norwegian winter wilderness. After an awkward period of holding each other prisoners, they made friends, and two of them even got together after the war.

During the awkward taking each other prisoner part (they were going back and forth with their egos), I was laughing at the scenes, where they tried overpowering each other, and imagined myself handling the situation "so much better", because I would perceive them as equal human beings, and was expecting that I would get the same treatment in return. But that's just the superiority of my ego own ego. Reality probably would be much different.

But what really got to me, and provoked a really obvious emotional response, was the last part of the movie, where one of the Germans got killed by the Norwegian army, while he was enjoying himself with his newly found English friend. The Englishman mourned, and I got tears in my eyes. The backchat was really loud: "We are all equal human beings, how can we kill each other in wars, how can we kill another being that is just like us?" I got overwhelmed by sadness, anger, disbelief, rage and hopelessness. I just cannot understand, and then again - I can, because I've been the target of national indoctrination as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed sadness, anger, disbelief, rage and hopelessness about wars being fought in this world to exist within me, instead of realising and understanding that my emotional responses to wars will not change the situation on earth, and in fact fuel the war system in our minds and in the world, which is consisted of all of those emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for and about the wars that human beings are fighting amongst each other, and pretend that I do not understand it, when I am fully aware of the brainwashing that goes on in order to condition people into believing that wars are part of human nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at some point in my life accept and allow the belief/perception within myself that wars are part of human nature, and that wars are normal in this world, instead of realising and understanding that I was simply trying to explain to myself why wars exist, because I wasn't aware of the real reasons behind wars, which is always money, greed and power, which I have become aware of only later in my life.

Wars are fought on an individual level by individuals, thus the individuals need to be brainwashed into separation, such as nationality, faith, beliefs, philosophy and ownership. When I was little, my ears would get filled with stories about WW2, it would be nearly damn everywhere. I went to a school that was named after one of the bigger battlefields in our area. The city was full of monuments about it, and all other schools were named after some or other war hero. Picture of our (by then deceased) "bellowed leader, who lead us to victory", were in every classroom. My great grandfather supposedly hid the guy during the war. My mother played in a movie about the war, which was for a while predominantly the theme of our country's entertainment industry. The TV was full of movies about it, my teachers spoke about it, and my grandma sometimes as well. I grew up believing that the Partisans did a great job in deflecting the enemy from our territory.
The funny part within in all was that - there I was, a little child, seeing all these remnants of a Great World War. It happened, and now it finished a looong time ago. I perceived myself to be living in the time After the Great War - the Time of Peace, after humanity has resolved it's greatest conflict, and now we are focusing on the well being, fun, progress and betterment of humanity.
I was absolutely shocked, when I was around 9 or 10, to learn that there is a war being fought in Iraq. My grandmother was listening to the news all the time, and I was annoyed by this, because it was interfering with my winter-time fun. I asked her why she has to listen to it all the time, since it was happening in another part of the world (which I already then took as not part of my reality), and she snapped at me that it might come to us as well. It absolutely shocked me to think that I could find myself in the conditions of a war, which I have been hearing about in stories about the distant past. I imagined myself in scenarios where my home town would be bombed, I would be left without a home, be separated from my family, have no food and clothes, be cold... and it confused and scared me.
A few years after that a real war was started in our country. One of the republics (which I live in today) separated from the rest of the country, and this scared me. It was the end of my reality as I knew it. My life would not be the same, yet life itself remained, so I adapted to the new reality of living in a country that was falling apart.
Now as I read this text, I remember that I was also vaguely aware of the war in Vietnam through movies, but again, that wasn't part of my world, because it was happening somewhere else in the world. The Great WW2 had perspired a long time ago, and there was no doubt in my mind that it cannot happen again. My grandmother obviously knew better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/perceive that I could never experience a war, because I believed/perceived that the great conflict of humanity had already been resolved and that it could never happen again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become shocked, when I learn that a new war is being fought, and that new human lives are being taken by bullets and guns, and to become scared that I might find myself amidst a war, instead of questioning the war and the motives for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I would never get to experience the horrors of war, and to perceive that I am safe and protected within this world by the army in my country, instead of questioning why it is that we have an army in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there exist just reasons for war, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that justice exists, and that one side is always right and the other side is wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that some other country could invade my country, and that this is why we need to have an army.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question the reason for why every country in the world needs to have an army, but simply accept it as the way things are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from war within my belief that I could never find myself in a war situation, because I am living in a post-ww reality in the developed world, and within my belief that if a war is happening in some other part of the world, then it isn't part of my reality and as such I should not worry or think about it, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a self-consoling pattern, because I am aware that wars exist in the world, which instigates fear in me, and am therefore convincing myself that "everything will be ok, because this/my part of the world cannot experience war again"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of experiencing war, and all the negative things that come with it, such as bombing raids, loosing my home and being separated from my family, not having anything to eat and being taken hostage by the enemy and being raped and tortured by enemy soldiers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for people who are experiencing war, instead of realising and understanding that I am making myself feel superior and more than, because "I feel sorry for them, therefore I am a good human being, because I want no one to suffer", not realising and understanding how useless my feelings of sorry are in the matter, because they do not change or better anything, but only make me feel better about myself and make me feel like I have done my human duty to those that suffer in wards by feeling sorry for them.

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for people that experience war, and feel sorry about the fact that wars are being fought, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am only powering my mind as ego through making myself feel good about myself and defining myself as a good person because I feel sorry for those people, which I now realise and understand is absolutely useless bullshit, therefore I release the trigger point of feeling sorry for those in wars and direct myself in breath in common sense and questioning the war itself.

I commit myself to stopping and removing my feeling sorry for people that experience war, because I realise and understand that I am only making myself feel good about myself and superior to others, because I am apparently being empathetic. I realise and understand that the way I feel about war changes absolutely nothing in this world, but only impedes me and prevents me from questioning and directing myself towards what is best for all in order to stop wars once and for all in this world/humanity.

To be continued...

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