Friday, 17 May 2013

Day 156: Looking at men in the streets



I forgive myself that I have 
accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner when/as I see/perceive that he is not stopping his energetic addictions to looking at women, instead of realising and understanding that I am annoyed by this because I am jealous of the women he is looking at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of the women that my partner is looking at, and think/believe/perceive that he is desiring to be with them, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting onto him my own pattern, where I will look at men in the streets and grade them and desire to be with them and am imagining myself having sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while walking the streets look at men that are coming my way, and grade them and rate them and imagine myself having sex with them based on their physical appearance and whether they suit my type of male that I would have sex with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto my partner my own patterns of looking at men and imagining myself and desiring to have sex with them.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I see a man that fits my own preprogrammed type of male that I would have sex with, and when he looks at me and looks away, think/believe/perceive that he doesn't find me attractive enough to desire me and have sex with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am imagining this and believing that my thoughts reflect reality, not realising and understanding that I am only participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel inferior when I perceive that a male doesn't want to have sex with me, and will feel superior, when I perceive that a man does want to have sex with me, with which I only power the mind as ego - I am feeding it energy through friction, positivity and negativity.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look away in order to not have to deal with these energies and thoughts about men not desiring me, instead of realising and understanding that I am only suppressing and not wanting to face my own thoughts about this, and believing that I can stop this pattern by not participating within the staring interaction with men on the streets, not realising and understanding that I am only playing into the opposite polarity of participating within the staring and grading and rating game. 

When and as I see myself looking away from men on the streets, so that I wouldn't have to face the disappointment of perceiving that they do not want to look at me, because I think/believe/perceive that I am not attractive enough to be stared at, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of making myself feel inferior, when and as I see/perceive that men are not looking at me, and making myself feel superior , when I see/perceive that men are looking at me for long enough for me to believe that they like me. Therefore I release the trigger point of looking away, which is my judgment of myself as not pretty enough to be desired, with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and not participate within the self-destructive thoughts of "I am not good enough".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel disappointed, whenever I perceive that a man is not looking at me long enough for me to believe that he is attracted to me, instead of realising and understanding that in that moment I am compromising myself by participating within my mind and powering it as ego through inferiority.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my thought patterns of "I am not good enough/not pretty enough", because I realise and understand that I am only abusing myself and compromising myself by participating with these thoughts to power my mind as ego and am abusing my physical body for the creation of the accompanying energies

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