Monday, 13 May 2013
Day 154: "Help" and "assistance" in realtionships
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to help my partner, whenever I see/perceive that he is struggling with something, instead of realising and understanding that I am wanting this due to wanting him to like me, so that I would get reciprocated the same way, when I perceive to be struggling with something myself, not realising and understanding that I am with this abdicating my self-responsibility towards solving my own problems and dealing with my own difficulties, and I am wanting to hide in a relationship from my problems and difficulties, because I perceive that it is easier to deal with problems and difficulties together with a relationship partner.
When and as I see myself wanting to support and assist my partner, because I feel sorry for him or want him to like me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am doing this from a starting point of someday wanting to get the same treatment back, which is manipulation, in order to not have to stand absolutely self-responsible in dealing with my own problems and difficulties. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath by assessing the situation with common sense in terms of what is best for all, and act accordingly.
I commit myself to stopping and removing my need/want/desire to 'help' my partner in matters where my help really isn't needed, because I realise and understand that I am simply doing this so that I could 'strengthen' our relationship and ask for support and assistance whenever I don't feel or want to deal with my own shit myself and want to abdicate my self-responsibility towards my own existence onto my partner.