I almost caused a quarrel with my partner today, because I remembered a fight that we had, in which unpleasant things were said, and I made myself feel bad when hearing them. When the memories came up, I was going to be angry at him again, but couldn't do so, because I realise that being angry with another, instead of dealing with one's own memories and mind patterns, is simply ridiculous, when one has the tools.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag along and bring up occurrences that have happened in the past, for which I perceive that I have been harmed somehow, in order to manipulate people into doing my bidding or making me feel better. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang onto memories of such occurrences in order to be able to bring them up and manipulate people with them in my own self-interest, instead of realising and understanding that within doing so, I am perpetuating the sins of the past and am not Here in Breath as Life, but am powering my Mind as Ego.
When and as I see myself having a memory of the past come up in order to manipulate and when I see myself wanting to bring up an occurrence from the past, in which I perceive to have been harmed somehow, and wanting to play a victim, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will use these memories of past occurrences in order to compensate for the negative emotions that I lived in those occurrences by wanting to feel better/more than/superior/like a winner this time around. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without manipulating people/myself with my memories of past occurrences and victimizing myself in the process.
I commit myself to stop bringing up past occurrences, where I felt bad/negative/inferior, in conversations with people, because I realise and understand that in doing so, I am victimizing myself, abdicating my self-responsibility for removing my mind patterns, and participating within an energetic construct, where I will create friction and conflict between myself and others in order to power my mind as Ego, instead of releasing the point and directing myself in Breath Here as Life.
In the next blog I'll write out manipulating with memories of good experiences, with which we make people feel good and want to (re)live those experiences and sometimes to make people jealous in order to make ourselves feel superior to them.