Day 43: Revised and expanded self-forgiveness on wanting to be thin

My buddy helped me expand on self-forgiveness from this blog and see some very relevant additional points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within my hatred for the way it looks and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical because it does not match the ideal body that I had accepted and allowed myself to create as an idea within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct within and as myself an idea of how an ideal female body looks, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my own physical body to that idea and feel inferior because of it, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am separating myself from myself and creating friction as energy for my mind to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive and create an idea within and as myself that my physical body is ugly and not appealing to men, thus creating an experience within and as myself that I am undesirable and not worthy of men, thus allowing myself to feel unwanted and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that men are not ‘put off’ by my physical but is instead ‘put off’ through the resonance design that I had accepted and allowed myself to become as a belief of being unwanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body within wanting and desiring to have a thin physical body in order to be able to manipulate men with my looks and gain the hypnotic control over them that I perceived thin girls to be having over men, not seeing, realising and understanding that within this I am wanting to be superior to men in order to abuse them within abdicating my self-responsibility by having them do things for me and at the same time feeling inferior to thin girls, whom I perceive to be able to do that and envying them.

When and as I see myself wanting to be superior to men and feeling inferior to and envious towards thin girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by wanting to have manipulative powers over men is me abdicating my self-responsibility, and by feeling inferior and envious to thin girls I am separating myself from myself with comparison, therefore I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have hypnotic powers over men, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to thin girls, because I perceive that I do not have that power, and furthermore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have this perceived hypnotic sexual power over men, instead of realising that with this desire I am separating myself from myself and others as me by pursuing to have power over men and be/feel superior to them and at the same time I am competing with other women in terms of who has more hypnotic sexual power over men, which is unacceptable, because I have seen, realised and understood that within this behaviour I am not regarding other human beings as equals whom I could cooperate with to manifest outcomes best for all, but as opponents, whom I must fight with in order to create friction for the creation of energy for my mind in self-interest.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to be able to seduce a man, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by doing so I am separating myself from all as me with desiring to feel superior and more than, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, as I have seen realised and understood how the seducing game work where I would disregard men as my equals and abuse them for my ego's self-interest and validation in order to create the 'good' energies within myself to make myself superior and more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever I see a girl who is thinner than me, because I had created the idea within and as myself that thinner woman are able to manipulate men and being able to manipulate men means that I have power and through this I now see, realise and understand that when I manipulate another I am abusing them in the power play that is the seducing game and seeing them as opponents, instead of seeing them as equals that I could cooperate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior whenever I see/perceive that a thinner girl is getting more attention from men than myself, as I perceive that I am unable to get that attention, instead of realising that I am compromising and separating myself within my desire to get attention and my comparison to other women in terms of getting attention from males.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls lead a much happier life than myself, instead of realising and understanding that this is a perceprion of my mind, which has lead me to believe that I should be unhappy and feel unfulfilled because I am overweight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thin girls have it much easier in life in terms of manipulating men into getting what they want, instead of realising and understanding that I am causing myself to feel inferior with this, and with this am separating myself from myself and all as myself, through the belief that thinner girls get what they want, where I live in a reality where I perceive that I never get what I want, thus creating a point of jealousy within and as myself where I believe that life has treated me ‘wrong’, not seeing realising and understanding that I had created this perception that ‘thinner girls get what they want’ within and as myself that I am now reacting to as a point of jealousy towards, thus me being jealous of the ‘ideas’ as characters that I had created within my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should manipulate men into doing what I want and them getting me what I want, instead of realising and understanding that I am within doing so abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to and towards myself where I am creating expectations of men, and when I allow myself to slow down within and as myself I can see within and as myself that when another person has an expectation of me, I start to dislike that person I feel incapable of living up to their expectations, thus through this process of expecting men to give me what I want I had inadvertently manifested my fear that they do not like as I had created the driving force of resistance within the relationship through me accepting and allowing myself to have expectations of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as 'not beautiful, but interesting', instead of realising that with this I am trying to compensate for my feeling of inferiority towards thin girls and girls that I perceive as 'beautiful', by trying to make myself superior to them by labelling myself and my looks as 'interesting', not seeing realising and understanding that ‘being interesting’ is a mind creation within and as myself where I had given myself a ‘vice’ to depend on, to accentuate a part of my personality to get to the same result that I believe that thin woman have and that is to be able to manipulate men through this characteristic that I had created within and as myself as a characteristic that sticks out above all other woman.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other girls in terms of looks and intelligence, and feeling inferior within it, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into comparison or any kind of other judgement, instead I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath as I have seen realised and understood that comparison and consequential competition manifest inequality as friction and separation in self-interest instead of cooperation within equality.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison with other women in terms of looks, intelligence and ability to seduce a man, because I realise and understand that seducing men is an act of separation from myself and all - an energetic need of the mind to generate friction and energy for it's own survival, which I am stopping within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that all seduction games are based in money and survival as the undercurrent of all my energetic experiences.