Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Day 57: Removing the dependency on my parents/family



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my parents, especially my father, as a point of security and safety within this world, as my protectors and caretakers, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe, whenever I was with my parents, no matter how drunk and fucked up they would get, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/perceive like I lost that safety, when my father died, not realising and understanding that I was being dependent/making myself dependent on them instead of taking self-responsibility and taking care of myself.


When and as I see myself perceiving my parents/mother as a point of security and safety within this world, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this perception is due to me not wanting to take self-responsibility, and will therefore make my mother/parents responsible for me to take care of me and protect me and nurture me in this world, therefore I release the trigger point of me wanting to have parents to take care of me (as fear from the world/myself) and direct myself in breath.


I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove all emotional/material points of dependency on my parents/mother, because I realise and understand that I cannot make anyone but myself responsible for the way I experience myself in this world, because it was me who accepted and allowed myself to experience myself the way I do, it is me that is within myself generating the experience of myself, therefore only I am responsible for correcting myself and taking care of myself.


Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my parents and make them responsible for me to survive and live in this world and experience myself in a positive and nice way, and perceive that they didn't do a good job of taking care of me and protecting me, thus blaming them for the current situation that I experience myself within, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating in amind polarity construct, which prevents me from taking self-responsibility, where I will feel safe and secure when I live with my parents, and feel insecure and threatened, when I do not live with my parents, thus powering my mind as ego through creating friction within myself to generate energy for my mind.


When and as I see myself wanting my mother/parents to take care of me and blaming my parents for not taking care of me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that only I am responsible for me, and have been for a while, since I came off age, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to hide behind my parents and/or blame them for my situation with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all dependency on and blame towards my parents, because I realise and understand that that is not self-responsibility, but an energetic state of the mind, within which I abdicate my self-responsibility.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to live with my mother/parents together in a family that I could run away to and hide within from the attrocities and terrible state of the world that we have all allowed together, and by doing so forsake everything and everyone else but myself, not realising and understanding that this is my mind's polarity construct of fear of not having safety and defining my family/parents as the only point of 'real safety' that I have within this world, instead of realising that within this I am giving my power away to the idea of 'the family/parents' and with this perception I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by defining and perceiving my family/parents as more important than other people.


When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to the definitions of specialness of my family members and defining them as more important to me than other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is part od my wanting to run away from my self-responsibility and make other people (my family/parents) responsible for my life experience, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop the separation of family/parents within myself and this world, because I realise and understand that the family construct is the main source of separation within this world and a reason why we as humanity are not able to consider and regard each others as equals, because we have defined/perceived our family memebers to be closer/more than/more special to us than other people.

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