Friday, 2 November 2012

Day 42: Self-forgiveness on money

This is a working version of my self-forgiveness that was written out in a moment of reaction. These statements are to be  revised and expanded, but for the sake of consistency I am publishing them now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever someone offers to pay for me and pays for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in their debt, instead of realizing and understanding that I pay for other people in order to make them like me and to feel superior and as a good person, therefore I realize and understand that I am playing into a polarity construct any time I go into an energetic reaction about paying for others and others paying for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay money for other people in order for them to like me more and see me as a good person, instead of realizing that with this I am creating separation within wanting to be superior to them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay for other people in order to be perceived by them as a benevolent and superior person, instead of realizing how I am supporting inequality within doing so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have lots of money without having to work for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money on lottery in order to manifest that desire, instead of realizing that I am playing life’s casino and wanting to have more than others, therefore when/as I see myself wanting/wishing for lots of money without work, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look and seek out ways to generate/make/get money for myself with as little effort as possible, instead of realising that everyone is doing this and so we manifest a world of separation that we find ourselves in by abusing each other and shifting responsibility onto others to do the “hard work”, which globally manifests as people in the ‘poor countries’ work for change per hour to produce the stuff we use.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others with sadness in order to get money from others through them feeling sorry for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others with information about myself in order to get money from them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I walk in the street want to appear to others as someone who doesn’t have problems with money, because I have defined having money as respectable and responsible living.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having money as a respectable and responsible living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have lots of money so that I would present myself as respectable and responsible, instead of realizing that this is an act of superiority within which I separate myself from others as me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people who pay for me becoming annoyed with me for not having money and not looking for a job, instead of realizing that through this fear I am projecting something that I do myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed with people whom I perceive to not want to get a job, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed whenever I pay for them, instead of realizing and understanding that I have paid for them in order to feel superior to them, so I have no business being annoyed, as it is a choice that I have made myself within my desire for superiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of telling people about my financial problems as I will cause reactions within them, because with this I am making them responsible for me within wanting them to take care of me, because I have little to no money.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to tell people about my financial problems within my hope of them hearing me and wanting to help me and give me money.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and defend having no money where I am right now by having had the kind of family I had in the past, instead of realizing that within blaming my family and my past for my present problems, I am abdicating my self-responsibility.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed whenever I have no money and someone else pays for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed whenever I have to ask someone to pay for me because I cannot afford something at the moment.

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