Saturday, 17 November 2012

Day 53: Removing Jealousy - part two




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by jealousy, when and as my partner is talking to and about other girls/participating with other girls, and immediately feel inferior to them and fear that my partner will leave me for them, if they will want to be with him, and go into comparison and competition with them in my mind and anger towards my sexual partner because I perceive that he might leave me for them, instead of realising that I am reacting from a point from within where I will always be looking for sex with other men that I perceived as handsomer than my partner and always be looking for 'something better' in terms of looks/physical appearance, not realising that with this I am looking to validate myself in front of my friends/family/surroundings as 'worthy of a beautiful partner', which is a polarity construct of my mind, where I will feel superior if I 'have' and 'get' a partner that I define/perceive as 'good looking'/'beautiful', and feel inferior when I don't have a partner that I define/perceive as 'good looking'/'beautiful', and will always strive towards having a partner that is more than the previous partner, within this separating myself from myself and all that is here by wanting to make myself superior in terms of having a 'beautiful partner' in order to generate energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself becoming jealous, when my partner participates with and talks about other girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am fearing loosing my partner to those/other girls, which is actually my mind fearing loosing a point of definition/validation/identification for the creation of energy for itself to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of jealousy with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and release all points of validating/defining/identifying myself with my (sexual) partner, because I realise and understand that this is a polarity construct of my mind within which I will want to make myself superior to other people with my partner, and feel inferior to other people if I loose/don't have a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake/forget about my sexual partner the moment 'something better' shows up in terms of a potential partner that I have defined as 'wealthier'/'handsomer'/'more beautiful' than my partner, and want to be with them and work towards being with them, not realising and understanding that I am doing this because I want to validate myself with this person/people in front of my family/friends/surroundings and make myself feel superior, with which I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, I am craeting friction within myself and my partner, thus generating energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself considering leaving and forgetting about my partner for someone that I have defined/perceived as 'better'/'handsomer'/'more beautiful'/'smarter', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this consideration is coming from my mind's desire to validate and define and identify myself in front of other people with a/my sexual partner and feel superior within myself, thus creating energy for my mind to survive as ego through friction/separation, within which I completely neglect and forsake another human being/my partner, I use/abuse him as a reserve point for my own self-interest of having sex/safety until I 'get something better to validate myself with', therefore I release the point of consideration of another partner with self-forgivness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing from within me any and all sexual desires and looking for more people to have sex with based on looks and money, because I realise and understand that this very construct in itself is the cause of jealousy and internal (and external) war.

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