Friday, 9 November 2012
Day 48: Music in my head
So the first day I did my self-forgiveness, but the music wouldn't stop. I managed to stop it by holding my breath for a while, and there was silence and I could hear my surroundings, but as soon as I would start breathing again, the music would be back. So I decided to try ignoring it, maybe it would go away, lol. It kindly wouldn't.
While walking the next day, I noticed it again. It was just as loud and obnoxious as before, and I simply couldn't get rid of it, no matter how many definitions and perceptions I released with self-forgiveness. Then I realised that I was playing the music in my head, so that I wouldn't have to face myself in every moment, because as soon as I'd stop doing my self-forgiveness, the music would return - a thought would come up, and then I'd start playing the music in my head. Therefore I supported myself with a commitment to next time stop and investigate the thoughts that I'm suppressing and hiding from myself with music, and walked on. It wasn't long before I caught myself playing a song in my head again, and this time I stopped and I breathed. I identified the thought and applied self-forgiveness on it.
Today I was yet again fascinated with things, because I forgave myself for entertaing myself with a certain song in my mind, which then stopped playing, lol, but then my mind chose another one in order to keep playing music. This time I looked at all the opinions I have on this particular piece of music, and from there I went on and expanded my self-forgiveness towards my behaviour towards and within music in general. Still not done. Tomorrow I'll share some self-forgiveness on the subject. This is a big point for me, because I was born into a musical family and i've been programming myself with it and escaping myself with it since almost the begining of my life, this is going to be extensive.