Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Day 56: Removing jealousy and the emotional manipulation of my partner
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to keep/manipulate my partner into being emotionally attached to me in order for him to not turn to other girls/his ex, instead of realising that I am acting from a point of fear of loosing him and re-living the 'bad experiences' that I went through in the past, not realising that with this I am limiting both of us, I am separating myself from myself and all that is here in inferiority towards the memories of past experiences, which I am trying to prevent from happening again, thus creating friction within myself to generate power for my mind to exist as ego.
When and as I see myself wanting to emotionally manipulate my partner into being attached to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with this I am compromising our standing, because I am limiting him and preventing him from standing up within himself through my own superiority as control over him, and am also limiting myself within my inferiority as fear of loosing my partner, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to manipulate my partner into being attached to me with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application identify and remove all points of emotional manipulation of my partner, because I realise and understand that by wanting to emotionally manipulate him, I am abdicating my self-responsibility to a relationship with him, and am not considering and regarding us in equality but in a relationship of energetic friction, within which I make myself superior as controlover my partner, and put him into an inferior position, where he is not able to stand up within himself due to my manipulation, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, when this manipulation is not turning out according to my self-interested plans.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get back/get revenge at my partner's ex and seduce the man that she likes in order for her to feel and experience what I have felt and experienced when I perceived that she did the same to me, instead of realising that with participating within such thoughts and constructs, I am perpetuating the fuckup of doing onto another what I would not want to be done onto me, thus spiraling into an eternal maze of anger and hatred, which is essentially the cause of war in this world, not realising and understanding that I am wanting to make myself superior to her to compensate for the feelings of inferiority towards her that I have generated within myself in the past, thus I am participating in my mind's polarity construct with which I separate myself from myself and all that is here in order to generate friction for the creation of energy with which I feed my mind to survive as ego, within which I am abusing myself and other beings.
When and as I see myself wanting/wishing for revenge towards another, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am wanting revenge because I have felt inferior to that person in the past, and now I want to compensate for it with feeling superior over them by winning within a speciffic point, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting revenge with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all points of wanting revenge on another human being, because I realise and understand that this construct of wanting revenge is the very thing that perpetuates the violence in this world and is keeping people/myself occupied within the past, which does not exist anymore, it only exists as a dimension in my mind, therefore it is not real and not valid or relevant to my current situation here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to reciprocate me with the same good feelings that I am showing him, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to experience and look forward to experiencing good feelings of love, happiness, joy, sexual arousal and intimacy with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that for me to experience the good feelings, I must also allow a negative polarity of those, which I'm setting myself up to by participating in and desiring/wishing for the good ones.
When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to experience and looking forward to experiencing good feelings with/around my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by participating within the good feelings and desires for good feelings, I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will make/perceive my partner responsible for me generating good feelings within myself when I am around him/talk to him and expect certain behaviour of him in order to do so, which will result in me generating the opposite polarity/bad feelings within myself when he doesn't behave the way that I'm expecting of him to generate good feelings within myself, therefore I release the point of wanting to experience good feelings with my partner, and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove all need/desires for good feelings around/with my partner, because I realise and understand that good feelings cannot exist without bad feelings to ballance them out and will inevitably appear within myself, if I continue generating good feelings within myself, therefore I will stop and remove these relationship constructs from within myself, as I realise that by participating in them, I am only enabling my mind to keep existing as ego and the manifestation of separation from myself and all that is here and not allowing myself to regard and consider my partner as an equal, but am using/abusing him to keep powering my ego through the relationship polarity construct