Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Day 59: Removing Fear of my partner being manipulated into not being with me


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my ex partner to be always readily available for me (although I have given up on them and left them) in case I perceive that I cannot get a new partner, and within that emotionally and materially manipulate them into being dependent on me, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am abusing my ex partner and am making myself feel positive/good/superior within the notion that I will always have someone to fall back to if all my other ventures go awry.

When and as I see myself wanting to emotionally and materially manipulate my ex into being dependent on me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is coming from my fear of not being able to get anyone else as a partner in life, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all manipulation of my ex partners in order to have them as a reserve point in case I fail to create new relationships with new men in my life, because I realise and understand that with this I am only limiting myself with my fears of the future and am limiting other people/my ex partner by playing them out, instead of stopping and removing them from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of loosing my partner to his ex/other women's  manipulations, within that not trusting him, where this distrust comes from past experiences  of me perceiving that I was hurt, when this happened.

When and as I see myself going into fear of loosing my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is the consequence of memories of past experiences that I have not yet dealt with, therefore I release the memories and trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-investigation and self-forgiveness stop and remove all fears of loosing my partner within myself, becuase I realise and understand that by allowing those fears to exist within me, I am compromising myself and my self-expression when I am with my partner and x and other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that x has hurt me in the past by manipulating my partner into leaving me and deciding to be with her, instead of realising and understanding that I myself was/am generating these feelings of being hurt inside me, therefore I have no one and nothing to blame for my own feelings of 'being hurt', but need to take the responsibility to stop and remove these feelings within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that other people are responsible for me generating the feelings of me being hurt within myself, instead of realising that within this I am abdicating my responsibility for energetic reactions that I myself allow to happen inside my body, not realising and understanding that these energetic reactions are of the mind as ego, with which I power and perpetuate the separation within myself and my outer world.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame other people/x for the way I made myself feel in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I generate my own feelings/emotions/reactions, and that I am the creator of my own experience, therefore I release the trigger point of blame with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all judgements towards others and all blaming of others for my own experience in this world, because I realise and understand that I am solely responsible for the way that I experience myself in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against x and my partner for the way that they behaved in the past, instead of realising that their behaviour has got nothing to do with me and has not influenced me, I have only ever influenced myself with energetic reactions of the ego to create separation and not have to take responsibility for myself, but rather blame other people for my situation and the way I experience myself within it.

When and as I see myself becoming afraid of my partner and x repeating their patterns of behaviour, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that their behaviour has got nothing to do with me and cannot influence me in any way, I can only influence myself by observing their behaviour and judging it, thus creating separation within myself as friction to generate power for my mind to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of blame and judgement and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all judgement and blame that I have allowed myself to have towards x/my partner/other people, because I realise and understand that I have only ever influenced myself with perceptions and beliefs and thoughts about having been wronged, as  I was not physically wronged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in conversations with my partner use and utilise arguments about the past in order for me to get reassurance from my partner that the past will not repeat itself, thus nurturing and feeding my fear, instead of removing it with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself wanting to bring up past experiences in conversations with my partner in order to get assurance that the past will not repeat itself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am doing this because I have felt inferior in the past, and now I am wanting to compensate for that by feeling positive/superior within getting reassurace from my partner that the past will not repeat itself, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity-timeline construct of the mind, where I have felt inferior in the past and am now wanting to feel superior/positive through getting/making another human being responsible for that by giving me the reassurance that I want, instead of dealing with the past within myself, thus I am creating friction within myself as the desire for superiority, with which I generate energy for my mind to survive as ego and am abusing my partner while at it, therefore I release the trigger point/memory with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop bringing up past experiences in conversations with my partner, because I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating in a polarity construct of my mind and am not allowing myself to be Here with my partner, within which I am abusing him as well and am creating separation within myself and between us as energetic ping pong, with which I power my mind as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is able to repeat his past behaviour, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my partner repeating the behaviour that he has applied in the past, instead of realising that I am with this participating within a polarity construct of the mind, where I will feel inferior and bad and less than whenever I remember what was happening in the past between us, and will feel superior, more than and good, whenever I get reassurance from him that he will not repeat his behaviour from the past, not realising and understanding that with this I am creating separation as friction for energy as food for my mind to exist as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame my partner for our past experiences together and make him responsible for the way I experienced myself in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I want to blame another human being for my reactions that I myself have accepted and allowed within myself, therefore I am abusing him through blaming and judging him as myself for past experiences and shifting my responsibility for my own acceptances and allowances as reactions onto him, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to blame and judge him and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing from myself any and all blame and judgement towards my partner  and x, because I realise and understand that only I am responsible for the way that I experience myself, no one else is, and that by judging and blaming other people for the way that I experience myself means that I am making them responsible for what is going on within me, although they do not have control over my physical body, I do/have that all by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/go into fear of people catcing me in an 'indeecent' position on territory that they define as theirs, and then judging and blaming me for my behaviour, not realising and understanding that this point is coming from within, where I perceive that if I catch people on territory that I perceive as mine doing something that I perceive as indeecent, I should be shocked and angry and mad and should go gossip about it with other people, instead of realising that what I allow within myself is aboslutely unacceptable.

When and as I see myself being afraid of other people being overprotective of their territory/things/people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a point that I have allowed within myself as being territorial, protective of 'my stuff/people' and wanting to have control over territory/things/people that I perceive as mine, so I feel shocked/insulted whenever I see someone doing something that I perceive as wrong on territory that I perceive as mine, not realising and understanding that nothing really is mine except for myself/my physical body, therefore I release the ego point of 'mine' and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all ownership points that I have towards places/things/people.

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