Thursday, 15 November 2012

Day 52: Jealousy


This is something that I've been avoiding within myself for the longest time due to accepted self-definitions acting as me, perceiving myself as an open minded person and not realising the whole relationship between energetic experiences and money. In this blog I'm sharing the surface that I've scratched with self-forgiveness, once I actually allowed myself to take a self-honest look at the point, which was only today, after the point has been nagging at me for several months. To be continued into absolute depths in blogs to come.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim to myself and persuade myself that I am not a jealous person, instead of realising that I am lying to myself, because I have defined jealousy to be negative, and I do not want to be perceived by others as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and compare myself with them and compete with them in terms of looks, intelligence and control over my sexualpartner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and give into fear of him liking them better than me, and that he might some day go back to them, because they are more wealthy than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of girls who I perceive to have more money/wealth/social security than me, because I have defined them to be because of that more attractive to males than myself, because all attraction in this world is actually based on money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my sexual partner is going to choose a girl who is more wealthy than me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at girls who have more money/social security than me, because I am afraid that my sexual partner will leave me for them, instead of realising that I am participating in a polarity construct, where I will feel diminished/inferior/less than if my partner leaves me for a wealthier girl, and feel superior/more than if my partner stays with me in spite of having the chance to be with a wealthier girl.

When and as I see myself becoming energetically involved in a polarity relationship construct of jealousy towards other women my partner participates with, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into jealousy, as I realise and understand that jealousy is a form of fear that my partner will leave me and I won't have a point of security and ensured sex anymore, therefore I release the trigger point of jealousy with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all points of jealousy within me, as I realise and understand that with jealousy I am creating friction within myself, because I am participating within a polarity construct of my mind, thus generating energy for my mind to survive as ego through superiority and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within jealousy of my partner's ex girlfriends, as I realise and uderstand that I am fearing being perceived as inferior and less than them by my partner, thus making myself feel inferior and then blaming my partner for me making myself feel inferior.

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