Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Day 46: Overwhelmed with thoughts

Today, as I was reading Heaven's Journey to Life Blog, my mind kept distracting me with obsessive thoughts. I tried doing what I've been doing before: stop reading the blog and write out the point, but the point is so ingrained that my thoughts kept coming back with different aspects of it, when I would start reading again. My imagination kept distracting me, and I was growing really tired and frustrated. I had written out five pages of self-forgiveness on the subject, and although I did feel the relief of it, new dimensions of the point kept coming at me over and over again, and it seemed like they would never end. I kept trying to breathe myself Here and focus on the blog, but even within breathing, I could hear my thoughts nagging.

And then I decided to not allow this point to distract me anymore, because I was getting really sick of the subject. After that the thoughts still kept coming back, but I would ignore them, not give them attention. I stopped participating within them. I realised that I need to override this physically by not giving it attention, and not by writing it out, because it will take way longer to erase - these are the exact words  that I had written to myself. 

Certainly I will have to remove the root cause with self-forgiveness, but it was an awesome thing to realise that I can stop a point that I perceived to be unstoppable before. I have neglected the "accumulating the breath of Life" part a bit lately, as I focused and gave too much importance to self-forgiveness. It really doesn't work as well, if I rely only on self-forgiveness to remove a point for me, instead of me directing it within myself.

So now that I know I can do this, things flow much easier. I simply do not allow myself to participate within my thoughts, and they clammor and racket somewhere in the background, like hearing music from a far away place that one cannot understand the words to. Kinda cool, lol.

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