Friday, 23 November 2012

Day 58: Self-forgiveness on not trusting my partner and my friends




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my partner might succumb to his ex gf's/other women's/our friends manipulations when I am not around, instead of realising that this is my mind not trusting my partner and wanting to have constant control over him and what he does, thus not allowing him to stand (up) for himself but wanting to direct him from a point of superiority that I have to do it, which stems fromin fear iority, where if I don't do this, I might loose him, not realising and understanding that I am participating in a polarity relationship construct where I will feel good and superior if I perceive that I get to keep my partner, and feel bad and inferior when I perceive that I might be loosing him, thus generating friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself fearing loosing my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this fear is stemming from me not wanting to be absolutely self-responsible, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

When and as I see myself directing myself according to/thinking about past experiences with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in a past dimension of the mind, within which I allow myself to influence myself with fear of past experiences repeating themselves, therefore I release the trigger point of the thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove from myself all behaviour that is based on past experiences, because I realise and understand that I am allowing my past memories as fears to direct me instead of me directing myself in breath here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive friendship as something dangerous, because friends will want to hit me and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is normal for friends to hit each other and hurt me, not realising and understanding that I have been manifesting these kind of 'friendly' relationships, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that friends should and are allowed to hit each other, instead of realising that by accepting this within and as myself, I am perpetuating what I otherwise find to be unacceptable and wouldn't want to exist within, thus feeling inferior and in fear of my friends and friendships and perceive them as 'not safe', within which I will use and utilise caution and preemptive strikes of spitefulness towards my friends, thus abusing them because I judge them as myself as being evil and spiteful inside anyway, and simply giving in to this belief instead of standing up to it within myself.

When and as I see myself not trusting my friends/my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting with fear of my friends/partner hurting me, because I have allowed a world in which it is ok for friends and partners to hurt each other and work against each other due to the accepted and allowed competition between people, within which we will utilise deception and manipulation in order to win over each other, which is what makes us unable to cooperate and agree, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove and stop all patterns of comparison and competition towards and with my friends and partner, because I realise and understand that this is what makes us unable to coexist together peacefully within the principles of do no harm and do what is best for all.

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