Sunday, 18 November 2012
Day 54: Removing Jealousy - part three
Preventing my partner from talking to and participating with other girls
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prevent my partner from talking to and participating with other girls because of my fear that he might get seduced by them and leave me for them, thus leaving me without a point of sex and security, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is coming from a point from within myself, where I allow myself (and all people in this world) to be such as to want to be able to seduce all members of the opposite sex in order to validate myself through feeling superior for being able to do that, no matter whether they are in a partnership or not, and completely disregarding and ignoring the partner of the person/people that I want to seduce to make myself feel superior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get validation (in order to make myself feel superior/more than other women) from men that have girlfriends/wives/partners as desirable enough and worthy of the 'sin' of cheating on their partners with me or even leaving their partners for me, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior, when I perceive that men find me desirable enough to mess with me sexually despite having a partner, and feel inferior, when I perceive that men do not find me desirable enough to mess with me sexually despite having a partner (and thus will want to compensate for that feeling of inferiority by trying to present myself as superior to their partner in terms of looks, knowledge/information, education, smartness, cuteness, world view), not realising and understanding that with participating in this construct I am the cause of separation as jealousy within myself and in this world and am abusing myself and other beings in order to get the energetic fix for my mind to survive as ego.
When and as I see myself wanting to get validation from men with partners as desirable enough to want to mess with me sexually, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this need for validation from men with partners is coming from my mind that wants to constantly/continuously validate itself as superior to other women/people in order for me to experience more of myself as feeling positive and good about myself all the time, thus generating friction within myself to power itself for it's existence as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to be validated with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application remove any and all points of wanting to be validated by men and specifically men with partners, because I realise and understand that by participating within the mind's construct of wanting/needing/desiring validation from men and men with partners specifically, I create and am the cause (self-)abuse as jealousy within myself and within this world, because I am comparing and competing with other women for the validation of men to feel more than/superior to other women, with which I am separating myself from myself and all that is here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid and worry that my partner is not telling me the whole truth of himself and being honest with me all the time, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is coming from a point from within myself, where I would not communicate the whole truth of myself to my partner and other people in order to keep them appeased and liking me and not think bad about me, so that I could count on them being there for me in the future, not realising and understanding that I am making myself feel superior by granting myself the 'right' to lie to them and not tell them the whole truth of myself, within that justifying it with it 'being for their own good', which was a mask for my self-interest of not 'losing' them and keeping them around as a point of stability and safety in the future in case I need them to make myself feel good and do my biding, which I would ask of them in self-interest, thus abusing them to my advantage
When and as I see myself becoming reluctant to share myself in self-honesty and wanting to lie to people and not tell them the whole truth of myself in a given situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this reluctance is stemming from me wanting to manipulate them in self-interest, because within doing what is best for all there are no resistances towards communicating myself openly and fully, therefore I release with self-forgiveness the trigger points of reluctance towards open communication and trigger points of wanting to lie to others, and direct myself in breath
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness identify and remove all points where I would want to lie to others about myself and not communicate the whole truth of me, because I realise and understand that this kind of behaviour is what is causing the abuse in my/this world that is being justified with 'privacy' and 'secrecy'.