Friday, 6 July 2012

Day 9: Secrecy in relationships

Secrets with my partner:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secrets with my partner, with which I make myself feel more than other people outside of our relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have "inside (sexual) jokes" with my partner in order to separate myself from other people and make myself feel superior, more than and better than other people outside of our relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have special intimate secrets with my partner, with which I could feel special, trustworthy, and create a "special bond of secrecy" with my partner, in which I exclude all people except us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and more than, and love my partner more, whenever he shares a secret with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an air of dependency and exclusivity and belonging and specialness, by telling my partner secrets that I do not tell other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to manipulate my partner into trusting me, by telling him my secrets.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep secrets, so that I could create a special bond with people who I share them with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use other people's secrets in order to create a special bond with people who I share them with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use secrecy in this world and capitalistic system, in order to secure my own safety and survival within it.

Secrets I keep from my partner:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep secrets from my partner, because I am afraid that otherwise our relationship will fail.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of admitting to my partner that I am attracted to someone else as well, because I am afraid that he will want to leave me due to the illusion of monogamy in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the fuckup of attraction in this world, and how it is connected to safety and survival and self-definitions of the ego/consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to my partner and keep things from him in order for him to stay with me and ensure my safety and survival in the future of this world.

My secrets:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the definition of "secret" onto certain information about my behaviour/life, which I perceive that people would judge according to moral and ethical standards of this world and humanity, instead of realising how secrets are the fuckup that keep separation going within me and this world.

When and as I see myself thinking about sharing information that I have labeled as "secrets", I stop and I breathe. I look at the point of secrecy, release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards what is best for all in common sense. I do not allow myself to separate myself within myself and in the outer world by having preferences about people in terms of trusting them with my secret or not.

I commit myself to expose and remove all secrecy within myself and this world, so that we can stop perpetuating the separation that secrets cause.

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