Friday, 6 July 2012

Day 9: Manipulating in self-interest

I have fucked up quite heavily by being dishonest, where I thought I was honest. I honestly wanted to help one person, but in that I did not consider that in order to do that, the truth must be kept from another person.
So I did what I did in order to help person A, and hid the truth from person B, and accomplished absolutely nothing, because the starting point was absolutely self-dishonest - wanting to prove myself as the bigger person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to show and portray myself as the "bigger person" in a given situation, one that allows equality and does not have such big personal issues as other people, instead of realising what I am doing by having such thoughts, remaining in breath and clearing my starting point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I in any way allow equality, when I am not considering all people equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with equality into believing that what I am planning is all right, instead of realising that planning is a product of consciousness, and as such is absolutely not an action of equality, but self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anyone's name in vain for my own purposes of manipulating people into doing stuff according to my planning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make plans that include other people, without having told them about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to predict people's behaviour in order to plan things in my own self-interest, and then be disappointed, when they do not behave according to my predictions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for my past manipulations, instead of realising that I will not accomplish anything with feeling guilty, remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense.
 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that others will judge me for my past manipulations, instead of realising that being afraid is unproductive, remaining here in breath and common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate, lie to and deceive myself and others, in order to get what I want in self-interest, instead of remaining in breath and directing myself with common sense towards what is best for all.
When and as I see myself wanting to manipulate, lie, deceive and plan, I stop, I breathe, I reevaluate the point and release self-interest points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in self-honesty with common sense towards what is best for all, not excluding anyone and considering everyone involved.

I commit myself to stop manipulating with lies, words, deceptions and plans, where some have to be excluded for others to be included. I do not participate within these kind of constructs anymore. Instead I expose all manipulation within me and this world, so that we can stop abuse with manipulation once and for all.

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