Friday, 20 July 2012

Day 19: Releasing the blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame people in my environment, my partner, my friends, my parents/family/sister/brother, policemen, firemen, doctors, lawyers, politicians and myself for not taking direct immediate responsibility for the fuckup in the world, but giving into mindfucks in spite of the painful common sense being presented by me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into frustration, resentment and annoyance (that come from my ego's expectations not being met) towards people in my environment, whenever I am presenting what I perceive as common sense that I perceive is not being understood/heard, instead of realising that I am in the 'saviour of the world' character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a 'saviour of the world' character when I was little, when I looked at this world, the state that it is in, and started wanting/needing/desiring to have some sort of superpower to be able to save it. When I realised that I can only do so much, I started telling other people that if we all just do so much, we will have accomplished something, and integrated that as part of my ego to make myself feel superior and more than others who do nothing for the world despite the state that it is in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for other people to see me as a saviour, so that I could feel good about myself and superior to other people, because my mother always wanted me to be something more, and was telling me about my superior abilities, which was total mind created bullcrap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me developing a saviour of the world character within myself, instead of taking full responsibility for all my mental constructs, and not taking any shit from myself in the form of blaming other people for them.

I realise and understand that I cannot and may not blame other people for the way I am experiencing myself. When and as I see myself going into blame and wanting to blame someone other than myself or myself, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to go into blame. Instead I look at the point I wanted to blame, I release it with self-forgiveness, and I direct myself with common sense towards what is best for all.

I blame a friend a lot for not wanting to get a job and take care of himself, but rather hangs on his gf as a parasite. He comes around and I waste time with him, thinking that I can talk some sense into him, and then I blame him for wasting my time when I fail, because I cannot talk common sense to him - I know this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame anyone in my vicinity for 'wasting my time', when in fact it is I that decides what I do with my time, no matter how limited by the system it may seem to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my friends, whom I perceive not taking absolute self-responsibility, instead of realising that I myself am still not taking absolute self-responsibility, and have no right to demand it of them.

Blame towards my partner:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for not wanting to take absolute self-responsibility and stand within what I perceive to be common sense, instead of realising that I am still giving into the relationship construct, within which I need someone to stand beside me and do the same thing that I do, so I would feel fulfilled and appreciated.

I commit myself to stop the relationships within and as myself, and stand within and as absolute self-responsibility.

I realise that all relationships of superiority/inferiority/neutrality are a fuckup, with which I create separation within my mind as a specific character for a specific person in my world - and so I create the separation to/of 'strangers' as people who I have not yet met in my life/world, and people whom I already know and have a specific character/personality for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for having private conversations and making plans without me behind my back, instead of realising that I am feeling inferior to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to my partner and the relationships he has in his world, instead of realising that I myself am here, self-responsible, breathing, not dependant on what my partner is doing with other people.

I realise and understand that I cannot want/need/desire to influence my partner or anyone else in the world, as this is an energetic fuckup, and will as such create resonant consequences of separation and inequality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to influence my partner and other people in my world to take absolute self-responsibility, instead of taking absolute self-responsibility myself with writing and self-forgiveness, as that is the only influence I have on myself and my world, within which I can only stand as an example of abdicating one's wants/needs/desires to create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to assist people to stop their minds and release their mindfucks, instead of me doing it myself for myself and not blaming other people for not wanting to do it, as I realise that with blame I will only create more friction and separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of anger, resentment, annoyance and frustration, and consequentially allow myself to blame whenever I see/perceive someone not taking responsibility for something, instead of looking what I'm reacting to and releasing it from myself.

I commit myself to expose and remove all blame towards others and take full self-responsibility for my world.

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