Saturday, 26 January 2013
Day 99: Interaction within a group of people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel important and more than in a company of people by laughing hard, being loud and acting smart. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boost my positive energy experience by talking to a third party on the phone in a company and talking loudly, so that the company would hear what I am saying, so that afterwards I can make myself feel more important, more than and superior by talking about the subject/person that I was on the phone with, and sometimes talk shit about that person in the company, and sometimes talking nice about that person in the company, according to how the company perceives that person, or how I would want the company to perceive that person, depending on whether I perceive the person to be popular in the eyes of others or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk about myself to others about how great I am, what my accomplishments are, and what I had succeeded in within my ventures in life, in order to instigate a feeling of awe and admiring within the person that I am talking to, instead of realising and understanding that I am wanting to make myself appear superior to that person because I feel inferior within myself and feel inferior to that person, until I get my confirmation and validation from the person about how great I am. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive, more than and superior, after I get feedback that I perceive as positive, and feel negative, inferior and less than, when I get feedback that I perceive as negative, instead of realising that I am participating in a mind-polarity energy construct, and that this is not me as Life, it is me as temporary Energy that needs to be refilled and rejuvenated all the time, not realising and understanding that by refilling and rejuvenating myself as Energy through boosting my ego as superiority and positivity - I am consuming my physical body and manifesting my own slow but constant and continuous death.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance anger resentment and frustration to people whom I perceive to be boosting their ego through talking to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to confirm and validate their egos at least a little, so that they would like me at least a little, so that they wouldn't want to harm me and talk shit behind my back, instead of realising that within doing so, I am compromising myself and my standing, because I am allowing energies to direct me and I am supporting the energies in another.
When and as I see myself reacting energetically to someone whom I perceive to be bragging, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting to something that I carry within myself, therefore i release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.
I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop reacting and stop supporting other people's egos, and stand clear within conversations, where I see/perceive other people to be bragging and boosting their egos, because I realise and understand that as long as I support any iota of another's ego in my self-interest, I am in fact abusing life and substance for the creation of energy for the mind as ego.