Friday, 11 January 2013

Day 89: Making my partner face himself instead of me facing myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear and anger, when I see and perceive that my partner is wanting to keep himself in good relations with people whom I perceive to be causing separation between us, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid that my partner is looking for a way out of his responsibilities and doesn't want to face himself, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeling this way because I perceive and define myself to be stupid and pathetic for trusting my partner and putting trust in him that he will do his process and walk it with me, not realising and understanding that within doing so, I am abdicating my self-responsibility and making my partner responsible for the way that I experience myself.


When and as I see myself becoming affected and feeling threatened because of my perceptions of my partner's application, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not affected by my partner's application, and I am feeling threatened because I am being proud and within that I make myself superior to my partner, and I am afraid of loosing that superiority and feeling inferior, if my partner were to leave me due to relationships with other people. Therefore I release the trigger point of the pattern and the pattern itself with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards what is best for our agreement without feeling threatened by my partner's other relationships.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto my partner, whenever I see and perceive that he is wanting to perpetuate his relationships with people that I consider to be separating, because I feel insulted about what happened between us in the past, and I am wanting to take revenge upon him, because I perceive that he has put me through hardship in the past, instead of realising and understanding that it is me who is allowing these memories of the past to influence me here, not realising and understanding that it is my responsibility to release those memories and not allow them to have influence over me here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute rage, whenever I see and perceive that my partner is trying to present situations to me that I see and perceive differently, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my perception of a situation is more accurate than my partner's because I perceive myself to have walked process more dilligently and am looking at things directly, instead of through knowledge and information, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance, anger and frustration and resentment, whenever I perceive that my partner is trying to explain a situation to me in his self-interest through knowledge and information instead of looking at the situation directly in self-honesty. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and more than, because I perceive myself to be able to look at a situation self-honestly and explain it from within myself through directly looking at it, and not through knowledge and information, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to go into superiority, because I realise and understand that with going into superiority about it, I am compensating for feeling inferior and powerless, because I perceive myself unable to show to my partner that he is looking at things through knowledge and information, and not directly in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself reacting emotionally to my partner's justifications and excuses and dodging of self-honesty that I perceive to be made through knowledge and information, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will feel more than, superior and positive, when I perceive that I have helped my partner to realise a given point in self-honesty, and I will feel proud of my partner, when I perceive that he has come to a realisation in self-honesty, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that I cannot make my partner look at a situation in self-honesty, and will feel bad when I perceive that my partner is making knowledge and information excuses and justifications about a given situation and people. Therefore I release the polarity construct from within myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards explaining myself/a sitaution without emotional reactions, as I have realised and understood that with expressing myself in an emotional state, I am achieving the opposite effect of the intended one of showing my partner what a situation is like in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stopping and removing my emotional reactions to my parnter's unwillingness to face himself in self-honesty, because I realise and understand that if I react emotionally, I have somehow defined myself within the situation, and will therefore feel bad about myself if I cannot get my partner to look at things self-honestly, and will feel good about myself, when I perceive myself to be able to get my partner to look at things self-honestly. I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating within my mind's self-validation construct, in which I generate energy for my mind to exist as ego, therefore I immediately breathe and do not allow myself to go into that construct.

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