Sunday, 13 January 2013

Day 91: Addicted to conflict


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become addicted to conflict with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that I myself am generating this conflict in order to feed my mind energy by participating within a polarity relationship fighting construct, where I make myself feel energetic and superior and more than and positive within my perception of being right, which is my righteousness, and will make myself feel less than, inferior and negative, when I perceive that my partner has made a good argument against me being right.


When and as I see myself looking for reasons to attack my partner and make him feel guilty and inferior, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by generating conflict between us, I am only powering myself as ego, and am abusing him by putting him in an inferior position, thus I am stiffling our equality and am making us unable to communicate as equals, because he will fear open communication with me. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to fight with my partner with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath with common sense towards what is best for our agreement.


I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all fighting patterns from within myself, because I realise and understand that by participating in and generating fighting, I am perpetuating my addiction to conflict, within which I power myself as ego through feeling superior and more than and like a winner and positive, if I make my partner subdue himself and put him in an inferior position and get him to do whatever I want him to do, AND through feeling inferior, whenever I perceive I am unable to do that to my partner. Till here, no further!!!


I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all conflict patterns from within myself, because I realise and understand that I create conflict only to power myself as ego, and am as such the sole cause of war within this world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict between myself and my surroundings, be it my partner, my siblings and family or strangers, because I realise and understand that I have been creating conflict because of my constant feeling of inferiority, so when I perceive that someone is criticising me or otherwise causing me to create inferiority within myself, I would try to compensate for that feeling with exerting superiority as anger towards them and try to through that anger get them to say or do something that would make me feel better, thus creating conflict between us and disabling us from effectively communicating.

When and as I see myself reacting with superiority as anger towards something that someone said or did, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I am with that anger compensating for a feeling of inferiority that I have caused within myself, therefore I release the point and origin of inferiority and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.


I commit myself to stopping and removing with writing and self-forgiveness all creation of inferiority within myself triggered by points from within and without, because I realise and understand that by creating inferiority within myself, I will want to compensate with outwardly projected superiority as anger, with which I will create conflict within myself and my outer world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I see/perceive that someone is not agreeing with me, and will want to compensate for that feeling with superiority as anger towards them, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself according to common sense.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner must always agree with me, even if I said a total bullshit statement, instead of realising and understanding that I will want him to agree with me so that I could perpetuate a constant feeling of superiority and positiveness and more than within myself, and because of that I will demand that my partner agree with me and support me in front of others all the time.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than and betrayed, whenever my partner does not agree with me in front of others and does not support my claims by agreeing with me, which I will want to compensate for with being angry at my partner for not agreeing with me, instead of realising and understanding that within doing so, I am participating within a mind polarity relationship construct, within which I will generate energy for my mind through either feeling superior or inferior according to my partner agreeing or disagreeing with me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and more than and righteous, whenever I am fighting with my partner about things that I perceive him to be guilty of, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will want to fight and have conflicts with my partner, because I am addicted to the feeling of superiority that I generate with it, with which I compensate for the constant feeling of inferiority that I feel around my partner, within which I need him to reassure me that he likes me, and when I do not get that reassurance, I lash out and fight him.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get constant reassurance from my partner that he likes me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly feel inferior around my partner, whenever I perceive that he doesn't give me enough care and reassurance that I am ok and that he wants to be with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a self-validating mind polarity construct, where I will feel more than and superior and positive and good, whenever I perceive that my partner cares for me through him hugging and kissing me and telling me things that make me feel good about myself, and I will feel less than, inferior, negative and bad, whenever I perceive that my partner does not care for me, because he is not hugging me, kissing me, and not telling me things that make me feel good about myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for things to blame my partner for, like his thought processes about his ex, where I will blame him for still liking her more than me, within which I will make myself feel inferior, and then will want to compensate for that feeling with superiority as anger, not realising and understanding that I am compromising myself and our agreement within doing so, because I am creating friction as separation within myself and between us and with it powering my mind as ego.


When and as I see myself looking for points in my partner that I could be angry of, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within an automated mind polartiy pattern, within which I am looking to with superiority as anger compensate for some feeling/thought of inferiority, therefore I release the trigger point of the desire to fight my partner, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for our agreement.


I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, stop and remove all conflict patterns from myself, because I realise and understand that I create conflict within myself and project it onto my partner in order to create energy for my mind by projecting superiority as anger towards him to compensate for feelings of inferiority that I have generated within myself with thoughts towards him, therefore 
I commit myself to immediately breathe and remove those thoughts with self-forgiveness, because I do not allow conflict to exist within me anymore, as I realise and understand that it is only a way of energizing myself and abusing myself and others.

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