Saturday, 23 February 2013
Day 120: "Finish your meal, because there's children starving in Africa"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior, less than, bad, negative and be angry with myself, frustrated, sad and disappointed, whenever I gain weight, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then remember the times, when I was less heavy, and think back and be angry at myself for allowing myself to gain weight again for eating things that I just felt like eating, instead of continuing to restrict my food intake in order to prevent myself from gaining weight.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create whole constructs in my head about what I can and cannot eat, how many calories and other nutritional value food has, and to check those nutritional values each time, when I look at the packages of foods, and wonder and think about the nutritional value and caloric value of food, whenever I eat them, and how much it will impact my weight gain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear gaining weight, whenever I eat food, instead of simply eating food to support my body and stopping, when I don't feel hungry anymore, without fearing that the food I just ate will cause me to gain weight.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for not eating all of my food and to feel bad, whenever any food in the house spoils, because I used to listen to how African children would kill and swim across oceans just to have a plate of soup, when I was a child, instead of seeing through this manipulation tactic of my parents, who were trying to get me to eat all the food off my plate so that they wouldn't have to deal with leftovers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my parents for manipulating me with stories about hungry African children so that I would eat everything that I have on my plate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a construct in my mind, in which I believed that I must eat everything off my plate and not leave any leftovers, within which I would feel good about myself, whenever I ate everything, and I felt bad about myself, whenever I wanted to leave something and not eat it, but would then force myself to eat it anyway so that I wouldn't feel bad about myself for having food, while African children do not have it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty, whenever I didn't eat everything that was on my plate, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to eat everything that was on my plate in order to avoid feeling guilty for throwing away food.
When and as I see myself wanting to eat just in order to finish a meal and not throw away food, despite feeling full, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind construct of guilt, and amcompromising my physical body by forcing it to take in more than it needs, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without feelings of guilt towards throwing away food. I realise and understand that through observation I can determine how much my body needs in order to function, therefore I can in advance take/ask for smaller portions or save the food for later, and I do not need to eat everything at once.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness release all thought patterns that I have about food, and to though observation determine what foods and how much of them my body needs to function optimally, because I realise and understand that by following old knowledge and information patterns that I have been following until now, I am only compromising my body and not supporting it.