Monday, 4 February 2013
Day 106: Feeling proud of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of myself and feel superior, positive and more than, whenever I perceive that I have nicely verbalized a common sense argument, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within competition with myself and others in proving myself as being a good/the best conversationalist, not realising and understanding that I am actually participating within a mind polarity construct, where on the flip side I will feel inferior, negative and less than, whenever I perceive that I have not verbalized an argument well. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hear what I perceive as good feedback to my arguments and get a 'pat on the back' and get praise and approval from my conversation partners, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind pattern that I have built up a long time ago, when I accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get approval and appraisal from my parents, and consequentially I built up a polarity construct, within which I would feel positive, more than and superior, when I would perceive to be praised and approved by my parents and surroundings (professors, friends, family, strangers) and would feel inferior, less than, negative and bad, whenever I would perceive to not be getting approval and appraisal from my parents and surroundings.
When and as I see myself feeling proud of myself and wanting/needing/desiring to get approval and appraisal from my surroundings for verbalizing an argument, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity ego construct, within which I will talk from the starting point of making myself feel positivity, which I will create through generating a perception within myself of my own superiority, thus ignoring equality and disregarding all that is here. Therefore I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in equality with all that is here in breath and make sure that there is no energetic movement within myself, when I speak.
I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application with breathing stop and remove all feelings of pride within myself and all needs/desires/wants for approval and appraisal when I speak, because I realise and understand that by accepting and allowing those energetic movements to influence my self-expression, I am compromising myself by participating within ego and feeding my mind energy to exist as ego, and am therefore not standing for what is best for all, but am acting in self-interest.