Sunday, 30 December 2012

Day 82: "I want my partner to feel good around me"



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into desperation, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is not willing to write himself out, but is writing about points that he had already seemingly walked, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and disappointed with my partner, whenever this happens, instead of realising and understanding that I am fearing that past experiences are going to repeat themselves, because I perceive my partner to be unwilling to face himself in absolute self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into dismay, resentment, frustration and anger, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is giving into emotions and is not wanting to face himself with self-forgiveness, because I am afraid that the outflow of that will be that he will be looking for other people and neglect process and that past events are going to repeat themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel negative, inferior and less than, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is reminiscing his past experiences and is feeling sorry for having lost them, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself according to how my partner is making himself feel in my vicinity.

When and as I see myself becoming affected by my partner's moods, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel more than, better, superior and positive, when I perceive that my partner is having fun with me, and will feel negative, less than, inferior, when I see/perceive that my partner is bad mooded around me, and will take it as a personal failure, if he is bad mooded. Therefore I release the polarity point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for us.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all feelings/validations of myself that are conditioned by how my partner is feeling, because I realise and understand that everyone generates their own feelings within themselves and blaming myself for the way that another feels and blaming another for the way that i feel is part of the abdication of self-responsibility of the mind, which I do not allow and accept within myself anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to feel good around me, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is stemming from me being afraid that my partner would rather hang with other people if he doesn't feel good around me, not realising and understanding that I am within this supporting the "feel good" polarity construct of the mind, within which one doesn't have to face oneself, because one feels good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to force my partner to do process so that I wouldn't have to be afraid of him leaving me for chasing his good feelings, instead of writing myself and my fears out and realising that I can only influence myself into not feeling afraid of him leaving and remaining stable no matter what happens between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is bad mooded and be afraid of him wanting to look for good energy experiences, and be afraid that he would be leaving and coming together with other people behind my back to fill his good energies, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting something that exists within me, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts of me wanting/needing/desiring to fill my good energies with other people and be prepared to lie to my partner and do things that would make me feel good behind his back.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Hilda, I relate to some points you mentioned

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