Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Day 79: Judging myself through my perceptions of my partner's perceptions of me






I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to feel appreciated and more than and positive through my partner wanting to cuddle with me on his own, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that my partner doesn't want to cuddle with me on his own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to show me appreciation by wanting to cuddle with me on his own, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself with my partner's feelings towards me, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel positive, more than and superior, when I perceive that my partner likes, loves and appreciates me by wanting to cuddle with me, talk to me and spend time with me, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, when I perceive that my partner doesn't like, love and appreciate me, because he doesn't want to cuddle with me, talk to me and spend time with me.

When and as I see myself wanting to validate myself through my perception of my partner's feelings for me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am simply participating within an energetic mind construct, within which I will create energy for my mind to survive as ego through separating myself within myself through judging and validating myself negatively through my partner's response to me, therefore I will release the trigger point of wanting to validate myself through my partner's feelings/responses towards me and i will direct myself towards writing out and clearing my starting point.

I commit myself to stop validating and valuing myself through my perceptions of my partner's feelings towards me and his responses towards me, because I realise and understand that I am within this making my partner responsible for the way I experience myself, within which I am abdicating my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my weight is a consequence of a system, and therefore I cannot loose it no matter what I do, instead of realising and understanding that I am compromising myself with this belief and giving into hopelessness and powerlesness to do anything about it, and rendering myself unwilling to even try to assist and support my body to come to an optimal weight in which I would be able to move and run normally and without strain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, spiteful, resentful, annoyed and frustrated, whenever I hear people talking what I perceive to be shit about fat people and immediately go into a defensive stance of fat people that they are victims of a system, not realising and understanding that I'm actually protecting and defending myself and victimising myself within this, thus rendering myself unable to do anything about my body's weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mourn and cry over my body's constitution and act towards other people in a way to show that it is not fair that I am overweight, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing so, because I have not completely accepted myself the way I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and frustration and sadness, whenever I look at myself in the mirror, or whenever I am touching my body, and think/believe/perceive that the fat I am touching should not be there, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fantasies of how it would be, if I didn't have so much excess weight, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I am separating myself from myself through judging and comparing my physical appearance and my body's weight, and I will feel less than, inferior and negative, when I think about my weight, I will go into a state of victimising myself, when I think about my weight, and I will want to loose weight in order to stop feeling that way, with which I will compromise my body by utilising it's physical substance in order to generate these thoughts, and I will further harm it by forcing it to loose weight in order for me to stop generating these thoughts within myself, instead of dealing with the thoughts directly through and with self-forgiveness.

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated or feeling any kind of energetic reaction to the way my body looks and feels, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself by participating within a mind polarity construct of comparison and competition regarding looks with myself and other people, therefore I release the trigger point and origin of the thoughts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I will not be able to loose weight until I write out my relationships with my father and men entirely, instead of realising and understanding that I am limiting myself and making myself unable to care for my body now through these beliefs and thoughts, and I am abdicating my responsibility towards it to some event in the future, where I believe that the weight loss is going to happen miraculously after writing myself out without me having to do anything about it.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all thought patterns that I have about my weight, because I realise and understand that by having thoughts/beliefs/perceptions - I am powering my mind to exist as ego and I am making my weight to be a part of my personality, instead of directing myself in breath here in the physical.

I commit myself to assist and support my body to the fullest in discovering and learning what it is that my body needs for it to function optimally and remove all self-judgement about it with self-forgiveness, because I realise and understand that I have been abusing my body throughout my lifetime within trying to get it and mould it into a shape that I perceive other people would like, instead of assisting and supporting it for it to assist and support me and become a living expression of myself in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my lips becoming old and dried out, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my lips to be supple and nice and be afraid of loosing that suppleness and niceness, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind beauty polarity construct, where I will compare my lips to those of other girls/people, and will feel inferior to girls that I perceive to have nicer lips than me, and will feel superior to girls that I perceive that I have nicer lips than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my process will be sped up by me changing cells and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to shed cells as quickly as possible in order for me to get new cells that will be less "corrupt" than the old cells, not realising and understanding that this will not help or assist me in any way, if I do not do process all the time and write out the constructs continuously, as the constructs that I have not written out will simply repeat themselves in my newly formed cells.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes is harming my skin and drying it out, making it look old and dry and wrinkled, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel negative and less than and inferior, when I perceive my skin to be older than that of other women, and will want/need/desire to have younger looking skin, and will want to feel positive, more than and superior to other women by having younger looking skin, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to stop my ageing process through Process and make myself look young forever, and I also forgive myself for connecting and equating drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes to the process of skin-ageing, and thinking/believing/perceiving that it is the main cause of my skin ageing thus always having this in the back of my mind, when I drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate peeing and pooing to loosing weight, which I connected when I was weighing myself and when my mom told me that I have to weigh myself after pooing, because then the scale would give a more realistic figure, not realising and understanding that within this I have started to identify and equate myself with a number that I saw on the scale, making it the primary cause of the way that I would feel, thus creating a mind polarity construct, in which I would feel negative, less than and inferior, whenever the number on the scale would be more than 50-55 kilograms, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have 50-55 kilograms, which I have defined and perceived to be my ideal weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become happy and start feeling positive and hopeful that I will loose weight, whenever I feel that I am going to pee and poo, because I have connected in my mind that this will mean that the number on the scale will be lower and that my weight will be lower, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a completely illogical mind pattern in which I identify myself with the number on the scale, absolutely disregarding the fact that the smaller number on the scale after pooing has nothing to do with me having lost actual fat weight.

When and as I see myself wanting to identify or find out the number of kilograms that I weigh, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct that I have built up many years ago through my perceptions/beliefs about the ideal weight of a woman, and will be compromising myself and my body in order to reach that ideal, instead of supporting and assisting my body to make it feel as optimal as possible without worrying about the way it looks or how much it weighs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thinner bodies are prettier bodies, and define/perceive my own body as not pretty because it is not as thin as those of other girls, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, in which I will compare my own body to other girls's bodies and feel inferior and less than, when I perceive it to be fatter than those of other girls, and will feel superior and more than, when i perceive it to be less fat than those of other girls.

When and as I see myself comparing my body to those of other girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with this comparison compromising myself by making myself feel a certain way within the comparison, and I am not remaining here as my physical, therefore I release the point of comparison with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all points of comparison with other girls bodies and faces in terms of looks, because I realise and understand that by having comparing thoughts, I am compromising myself by participating within a polarity comparison construct, thus powering my mind to exist as ego.

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