Sunday, 16 December 2012

Day 76: Judging and blaming myself for alcohol and drug abuse




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself for having escaped my responsibilities by running into drug abuse, and feel inferior and less than and negative about it, which I would then compensate for with taking pride in my knowledge about drugs and drug users, and feel superior and more than and positive, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I am separating myself from myself through self-judgement and blame and feeling inferior, thus I am generating friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind to exist as ego, and I am disabling myself from effectively standing up for myself within the system and stabilising myself in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel bad about myself for having drunk alcohol in the past and perpetuating the sins of those that have gone before me, and feel negative, less than and inferior about myself for having drunk alcohol, instead of realising and understanding that this is because I want to feel superior and more than and positive within being able to say that I have never drunk alcohol because I wanted to feel superior to my parents who drank alcohol, in order to compensate for the general feeling of inferiority that I had towards them all my life because they were bigger and stronger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more than and superior to people whom I see drinking alcohol, just because I am not in that moment drinking alcohol, and within this judge other people for drinking alcohol, and blame them for the downfall of our society, not realising and understanding that I am in fact judging myself, because I have drunk alcohol in the past and are feeling guilty and fallen for it, instead of realising and understanding that I am compensating with judging other people and feeling superior to them for my own past abuse of alcohol and the feeling of inferiority that I get when I remember that.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame other people for drinking alcohol, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is superiority, with which I am trying to make myself better than and more than and superior in my mind to other people, because I have seemingly stopped drinking alcohol, which I have actually stopped within the starting point of wanting to feel superior to other people, therefore I release the point of wanting to blame others for drinking alcohol and clear my starting point, and direct myself in breath within common sense towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all points of blame towards other people, because I realise and understand that I am in fact only judging and blaming myself for my past experiences, actions and deeds, for which I feel inferior and less than, and am now trying to compensate for with making myself superior and more than within projecting the judgement and blame onto other people to balance it out for something that I have been doing in the past myself, which is what parents also do to children, when they are trying to prevent them from "repeating their mistakes" and take a superior stance towards drinking alcohol and taking drugs, which they used to do themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and disappointed with myself and want to give up on myself because I was a potsmoker for so long, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a long-term potsmoker, instead of realising and understanding that within this self-judgement I am disabling myself from effectively standing up for myself in equality.

When and as I see myself blaming myself and judging myself and feeling inferior because I was a potsmoker, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that feeling inferior about my past will only cause me to want to compensate with a feeling of superiority, which I will exercise in the form of knowledge and information towards others in order to hide the fact that I am ashamed of myself for having smoked pot and inhibiting myself from standing up within myself, therefore I will release the point of judgement and blame towards myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath in accordance to what is best for all in the given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret and feel sorry for all the time that I had lost with smoking pot and inhibiting myself with it, instead of realising and understanding that feeling sorry for my past choices, actions and words is not going to change the past and is not going to change the outflow and consequences of my past choices, but will only further inhibit me from standing up within myself and will cause me to timeloop and miss more breaths.

When and as I see myself regretting the time that I have lost in the past with smoking pot and regretting any other choice and action that I made in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise that regret is part of a polarity timeline construct of the mind, where I will feel inferior and less than, when I perceive that I have been making the "wrong" decisions in my past - which I will regret, and will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that I have been making the "right" decisions in my past - which I will be proud of, and by participating within this construct I am separating myself from myself within self-judgement, thus generating friction to create energy to feed my mind and I will timeloop and loose more breaths by participating within the construct, therefore I will release the point of self-judgement about having lost time with smoking pot with self-forgiveness and direct myself to the task at hand without self-judgement.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all mind timeline past-future constructs from within me, because I realise and understand that by participating within such constructs, I am only inhibiting myself from effectively directing myself here and am feeding my mind as ego of memories, within which I will experience inferiority and superiority, when I replay them in my head.

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