Saturday, 15 December 2012

Day 75: "I care and worry about You"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project "care" and "worry" for other people, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting care and worry towards other people in order for them to perceive me as a caring and worrying person, so that they would want to care and worry for me in the future, not realising and understanding that I am doing this within a mind safety/survival polarity construct, where I will want to ensure the help, care and worry of those people in the future, in case I find myself in trouble, instead of realising and understanding that this action of showing "care" and "worry" to others is actually an abdication of my self-responsibility towards a relationship that I am building up for myself through projecting "care" and "worry" towards others and thus ensuring myself their reciprocity in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within projecting "care" and "worry" toward other people make myself in my mind appear to myself as superior, more than, positive and as a good person for "caring" and "worrying" about them, instead of realising that I am doing this, because I am wanting to deceive myself and hide my true starting point for projecting "care" and "worry" towards them, which is self-interest and NOT benevolence.

When and as I see myself projecting "care" and "worry" towards others, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind construct, within which I will want to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility onto a relationship with that person/those people by projecting "care" and "worry" in order to get care and worry from them back in the future, which is a mind timeline construct, and I will even want to hide it from myself and others by lying to myself with feeling benevolent/superior/caring within it. Therefore I will release the point of "care" and "worry" with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards what is best for all participants in the given moment.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and release all fake projections of caring and worrying about others, because I have realised and understood that those projections are a result of me wanting to feel safe and secure in the future and are part of the survival construct of my mind, where I will nurture and build up relationships that I find to be beneficial to my self-interest and my mind's survival as ego, which I will want to hide behind benevolence and good-heartedness in order for me to not have to look at the ugly reality of me acting in pure self-interest.

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