Saturday, 8 December 2012

Day 69: Wanting my partner's friends and family to like me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for past indiscretions and violent behaviour towards my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than and guilty for having been violent towards my partner in the past, instead of realising that with this I am participating within a timeline polarity construct, within which I will feel inferior and less than when I perceive that my partner is judging me and blaming me for my past acts of violence towards him, and I will feel neutral/positive when I perceive that my partner is not judging and blaming me for my past acts of violence towards him.

When and as I see myself judging and blaming myself for my past acts of violence towards my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that judging and blaming myself for my past acts of violence towards my partner is not going to correct the past, because the past does not exist anymore - I can only direct myself towards what is best for both of us in this breath. Therefore I release the trigger point of judging and blaming myself for my past acts of violence towards my partner with self-forgiveness and do not allow myself to have any kind of violent reactions towards him within myself, because I realise and understand that with them I am making myself superior, more than and bossy, thus creating friction and separation within myself and between me and my partner and not allowing myself/us to openly communicate and cooperate, but am creating fear and distrust.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove all violent thoughts from within me, because I realise and understand that with allowing violent thoughts to exist within me, I create fear, resistance and separation, instead of equality, therefore when and as I see myself having violent thoughts and feeling the energies of violent thoughts in my chest and stomach area and my muscles tightening from them, I will immediately stop, breathe, investigate and remove the thoughts and patterns with which I have allowed myself to generate violent thoughts within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with inferiority and feel guilty and ashamed in front of my partner's friends and family, when and as I see and perceive that they are holding on to memories of my past violent acts towards my partner and are judging/blaming me for it. I realise and understand that this is due to me judging myself and generating judgement and blame towards myself within myself, and has nothing to do with how other people perceive me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove myself as a 'changed person' to my partner's family and friends, instead of realising that within this I am wanting to validate myself through my perception of their opinion of me, thus I am participating within a polarity mind construct, where I will feel superior and more than and positive, when I perceive that my partner's family/friends are accepting me and are not judging me for my past acts of violence towards my partner, and I will feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that my partner's friends/family are judging/blaming me for my past acts of violence towards my partner, thus I am creating separation within myself by wanting to be perceived by my partner's friends and family as 'good' and feeling 'bad', when I perceive that my partner's friends/family are perceiving me as 'bad', which I will want to compensate by projecting superiority with which I will want to achieve my partner's friends/family to perceive me as good enough for me to be with my partner.

When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring for my partner's friends and family to perceive me as 'good enough to be with him', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am wanting to validate myself through the eyes of my partner's friends and family, for which I will be ready to compromise my self-expression and adjust it to what I perceive my partner's friends and family would approve of and find ok, which will be a projection of superiority, false modesty, I will want to present myself as highly educated and intelligent and pretty, and I will stop myself from talking about things that I perceive they might perceive as 'negative' in order to not cause them to dislike me and not approve of me. Therefore I will immediately remove my desire/want/need to be preceived by my partner's family and friends and other people as 'good' with self-forgiveness and I will not allow myself to adjust my self-expression to what I perceive they would like to hear and see.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop adjusting my self-expression to what I perceive other people would like in me, because I realise and understand that by wanting other people to like me - I am compromising my self-expression and my standing for equality by not talking about 'problems', because I wouldn't want to make people feel bad by making them aware of the problems in the world in order for them to feel good in my company and like me and want to be my 'friends' and want to help me in the future in case I need their help. I realise and understand that by adjusting my self-expression to other people - I am abdicating my self-responsibility in this world and hoping that other people will be responsible for me if they like me, and I am compromising my standing for equality and diminishing my application and manifestation of equality.

No comments:

Post a Comment