Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Day 72: Communication with friends
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within communication with my friends want/need/desire to make myself feel positive, more than and superior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and compete with my friends and want/need/desire to win in every conversation that I have with them, therefore always take an opposing stance to what they are saying, not realising and understanding that within this I am creating friction between us as separation, making us unable to effectively communicate and agree on a subject, I am stifling our cooperation and despite my best intentions to make my friends realise what I have realised, I am failing miserably by making them feel inferior with my pursuit of superiority, for which they then have to compensate with their own superiority, and so we are caught in an endless cycle of trying to prove each other to each other and bouncing together and off of each other within our little ego bubbles, and not really hearing what the other person is saying, because I am only looking for key words to which I will reply with 'my own' view and perspective of things, which is not really my own, but learned from another.
When and as I see myself desiring, wanting and needing to 'prove my point' to another, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this want is coming from my standard search for superiority that I have allowed within myself to compensate for the constant feeling of inferiority that I have also allowed to exist within me, not realising and understanding that I am constantly and continuously participating within this polarity construct in order to generate and create energy for my mind to exist as ego of inferiority and superiority. Therefore when communicating with my friends or any other people, I keep myself in check and not allow myself to want/need/desire to prove anything to anyone, but simply allow myself to express myself in the moment and not compromise my self-expression within my search for superiority.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove my constant search for feelings of superiority, moreness than and positivity, which are stemming from trying to compensate for my constant feelings of inferiority, lessness than and negativity, which I generate by separating myself from myself within self-judgement. I realise and understand that this is the all-encompassing mind polarity construct, within which I have caught myself in an eternal cycle of creating energy for my mind to survive as ego, for which it feeds off of my physical body and transforming my eternal physical substance of the earth into passing, short-lasting bursts of energy, constantly needing more and more energy in order to survive - until I die.