Sunday, 31 March 2013

Day 137: Battling others with knowledge



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove and validate myself with knowledge in communication with (a group of) people, because I perceive/believe that I lack qualities in other areas of my existence, such as my appearance and academic achievements, therefore I want to balance out the inferiority that I experience towards those areas of my existence with superiority through proving that I am smarter than everyone else. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance, frustration and wanting to overpower others, whenever I see/perceive that they are participating within the same point, when they talk to me or in a company of people, instead of realising and understanding that I am in that moment attacking myself, because I'm attacking a pattern that is existent within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the older I am, the smarter I am and the more knowledge I have, thus my worth is greater, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will make myself feel superior about my age and knowledge in order to compensate for the inferiority that I generate towards myself in other areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into 'battle mode', whenever I see/perceive that someone is trying to be a smartass, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my 'competing with knowledge' construct, which I have built up many years ago, when I started comparing and competing and feeling inferior towards my father, who was telling me that I will never be as smart as him. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to win every debate/discussion about and with knowledge, and thus make myself feel superior and more than people that I am having the conversation with, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's automated mode of operation that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me since childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to humiliate people by pointing out that their knowledge is flawed and inaccurate, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to beat and overpower with knowledge people that I react to with disliking them, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing onto another what has been done onto me by my father, who would tell me that I am stupid and that my statements are stupid, after which I would allow myself to feel bad about myself, and now I am trying to get other people to feel bad about themselves in the same way that has been effective on me.

When and as I see myself wanting to participate within a battle of knowledge and information with other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel inferior and less than if I perceive that others are stronger in knowledge than myself and will therefore dislike them and want to overpower them, and I will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that I am stronger in knowledge and information than others, and will feel more than within the prospect of me overpowering them and beating them with knowledge. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to battle with knowledge with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that battling and overpowering others with knowledge is me creating artificial separation between us.

I commit myself to stop and remove all needs/wants/desires to prove myself with knowledge, because I realise and understand that by using intellectualism and education and knowledge and information I am the creator of dimensions of separation between me and others and all that is here, therefore I commit myself to stopping my own self-accepted creation of separation by wanting to battle people with knowledge.

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