Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Day 125: Being fat - taking it personally



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessively look at pictures of thin women and read up on articles that promise to convey to me effective knowledge about how to loose weight, and while doing so, feel hopeful that I might discover something new that just might help me loose weight without having to struggle and give up food, and then feel sad and disappointed if I don't find out anything new and effective in the articles, instead of realising and understanding that I am creating a whole different world in my mind, where my appearance and experience are the most important thing, because I have defined/perceived looks to be a means of getting one's way in this world, and so I completely separate myself from all that is here into that one dimension of abdication of self-responsibility and wanting to manipulate with my looks/appearance.

When and as I see myself reacting to pictures of thin people and of fat people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in comparison, where I will feel inferior to the picture of a thin person, and will feel superior to a picture of a person that I perceive to be fatter than me, thus powering my mind as ego. Therefore I release the trigger point of the reaction with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

When and as I see myself looking for means of effectively loosing weight in articles and books through gathering knowledge and information, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that the limited knowledge about weight loss is not going to make me happy, because that is what I am doing - I am believing that being thin will make me happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that being thin will make me happy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/define/perceive myself as unhappy for being fat.

When and as I see myself being/feeling unhappy for being fat, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind construct, where I have defined thin people as happy people, who get to experience themselves/life to the fullest, because they are not limited with being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define me being fat as a limitation, and think/believe/perceive that I cannot experience life to the fullest like thin people do, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be envious and jealous of thin people, because I perceive that they experience life as more pleasant than I do.
I realise and understand that these are all just definitions of the mind, which I will release as soon as I see them coming up. They are not real, and what I feel is not real, and I will not allow myself to compromise myself and my existence in breath by attaching these definitions to my experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for gaining weight, and because of that guilt apologetically explain to other people how and why I gained weight, and within that feel like I owe them an explanation and need to excuse myself for gaining weight.

When and as I see myself wanting to apologize for my weight and talk about it, to make myself feel less inferior about it, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I do not want others to perceive me as inferior for being fat, which comes from me defining and perceiving myself as inferior for being fat, and on the flip side I want to loose weight and I say that I will loose weight in order to make myself feel superior/compensate for the feeling of inferiority. Therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without defining/perceiving myself as inferior for being fat. 

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all of my definitions and perceptions of myself as inferior for being fat, and my perceptions and definitions of thin people being superior for being thin, because I realise and understand that by participating within such thoughts, I am supporting my mind as ego, as which I only perceive myself as a picture in terms of comparison and competition with others, and do not accept and care for myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel personally hurt, whenever I see/perceive that someone is making fun of fat people, and allow the backchat within myself of " You don't know what it means to be fat and how hard it is to loose weight, and you don't even realise that fat people do not want to be fat, you think that fat is a choice, when it isn't", instead of remaining here in breath and realising that I am actually judging myself through the words of other people that I heard talking about/making fun of fat people.

When and as I see myself becoming/being hurt by other people talking about fat people in whichever context, and taking it personally, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my mind's relationship to the subject, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for me in common sense, without taking anything that is being said or what I perceive is being said personally.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my perceptions and definitions of "fat" and talking about being fat, with which I personally connect to the subject, because I realise and understand that I am not a picture, I am life, which is not dependent on the picture presentation of my physical body.

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