Monday, 4 March 2013

Day 124: From eating to smoking



I forgive myself that I have 
accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate eating with feeling good, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define eating as a pleasant activity that makes me feel good, instead of realising that I am separating myself from eating by believing/defining it as something from the outside that makes me feel good, instead of me being the source of feeling good, within which I believe that I will feel good if I eat, and that I must eat in order to make myself feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue eating after I notice that my body has had enough food, because I have defined eating as something that I like and that makes me feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive eating food as something that I like above all else activities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize food as a treat with which I will make myself feel better, whenever I am feeling down, bad and low on energy, instead of remaining here in breath and realising that by eating to lift myself up, and not because my body ishungry, I am compromising myself and my physical body, which will then gain weight, and I will be stuck in a loop of wanting to loose weight, being hungry, and wanting to eat.

When and as I see myself wanting to eat for any other reason than being genuinely hungry, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have attached many social and psychological definitions to eating, thus I will be eating not to support my physical body, but to support my mind to exist as ego, therefore I immediately release the starting point of wanting to eat for any other reason that being genuinely hungry, and direct myself in breath towards what is best for my physical body, not my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smoking cigarettes to compensate for eating food, whenever I want to loose weight, and smoke instead eat, not realising and understanding that I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by wanting to loose weight in order to support a mind dimension of perceptions about appearance.

When and as I see myself wanting to smoke in order to not eat, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by smoking in order to suppress my craving for food, I am compromising my physical body, and notallowing it to get the necessary nutrients that it needs for optimal functioning, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards giving my body whatever it needs in order to sustain itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy smoking a cigarette after food more than when I am not eating, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define smoking a cigarette after food as a closure to the meal and something very enjoyable. I realise and understand that this is simply a mind perception, where I separate myself from myself in looking for outside sources of enjoyment, therefore when and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring a cigarette after having eaten, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point and perception with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define smoking a cigarette and having coffee during other activities as something that enhances the enjoyment of those activities, instead of realising and understanding that I am separating myself from myself and all that is here within doing so by looking for an outside enhancement of enjoyment in the form of smoking and having coffee, and am not being here with myself, breathing.

When and as I see myself defining and perceiving having a cigarette and coffee with work, watching videos, reading and hanging/talking to friends as more enjoyable than doing those things without a cigarette and/or coffee, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by being dependent on smoking and/or coffee to make those things more enjoyable for me, which means that I am not the origin and source of my enjoyment. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smoking cigarettes as an excuse within myself to hang with friends and talk to them, and at the same time separate myself from them by having a cigarette as a sort of shield and sign of coolness that would protect me from their bashing. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive smoking a cigarette as being cool, more than, superior and fearless and rebellious against the system, not realising and understanding that this in fact supports the system from the other side.

When and as I see myself trying to hide behind a cigarette, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am separating myself from myself and all that is here and smoking as well, by defining it as a source of strength and a shield from other people, because I think that if other people see me smoking, they will leave me alone, or accept me better, and perceive me as a strong person for smoking in a world that is not too keen on smoking.

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