Friday, 5 April 2013

Day 138: Complacency

com•pla•cen•cy (k m-pl s n-s )
n.
1. A feeling of contentment or self-satisfaction, especially when coupled with an unawareness of danger, trouble, or controversy.
2. An instance of contented self-satisfaction.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to give off a vibe of complacency so that other people wouldn't know how unhappy I really am with my life. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hide from people and for this purpose lie to them that my life is peachy and that everything is fine with me in order for me to hide the fact that I am extremely unhappy with my life, instead of realising and understanding that I am generating this feeling of unhappiness within myself in the first place and then covering it in complacency in order to hide from myself the self-responsibility I have towards how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade myself and believe myself that I like my life and that everything is fine and dandy within it, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing so, so that I wouldn't have to take full responsibility for making my life ok, but pretending that it already is ok, so that I wouldn't have to do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and feel complacent in order to neutralise/balance the unhappiness that I felt was permeating me and my existence money wise and self-experience wise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and feel complacent in order to come off to people like I do not care what they think about me, when in reality I cared a great deal about what they would think of me, but assumed immediately that their opinion of me would be negative due to my appearance/fat, instead of realising that my own opinion of me was negative, which I would then project onto others and then play out complacency in order to neutralise/balance out my own perception of other's perceptions of me, which I have generated within me in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in front of people like I am extremely satisfied with myself, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing this in order to hide my own dissatisfaction with myself from myself and using others simply as mirrors to further hide from myself.

When and as I see myself feeling satisfied with myself or trying to give off the vibe of being satisfied with myself to myself or to others, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is the consequence of me not being happy with where I am one bit, therefore I investigate and release the trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in awareness that when I am acting/being complacent, I am actually hiding points from myself.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all points of complacency from myself, because I realise and understand that complacency is part of a mind polarity design that I participate with in order to neutralise/balance/mask/hide the dissatisfaction with my life that I am generating within myself, instead of taking full responsibility for the way I experience myself in breath and correcting the points that I need to correct in order to direct myself effectively towards what is best for All Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend and lie to my partner, family and friends and other people in my surroundings that I like who I am and that I am perfectly fine with myself, instead of realising and understanding that I am with this action hiding from myself and from the responsibility of correcting points that I am not satisfied with.

When and as I see myself pretending that I like myself and that I am satisfied with myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will try to hide from myself my own dissatisfaction with myself by running into the opposite polarity of 'being satisfied with myself' or at least giving off the vibe that I am satisfied with myself, with which I only power my mind as ego by creating friction between these two polarities. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards releasing the points which I wanted to hide from myself by being satisfied with myself.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all feelings of being satisfied with myself, because I realise and understand that I experience those feelings, because I allow the opposite polarity of dissatisfaction with myself to exist within me, therefore I will release the polarity constructs with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without feelings of being satisfied with myself.

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