Saturday, 23 March 2013
Day 132: The constant search for a perfect partner
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, annoyance, resentment, frustration and a general feeling of unfairness, whenever I see/perceive my partner looking at another woman, and to allow fear to come up within me that he is comparing me to that woman and that he is not satisfied with my appearance, and therefore he looks at others, instead of realising that I am comparing and judging myself through this perception and also projecting onto him a point that is existent within me, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my partner to other men that I look at, and consider those other men that I have looked at as potential partners in my mind, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind construct, in which I will scan and asses all men that I meet as potential partners and grade them and rate them in my mind from not being interested in them to being very interested in them according to their physical appearance and mind programming in terms of it matching my own mind programming and their financial situation in terms of them being able to support and take care of me financially.
When and as I see myself participating within the mind construct of checking other men and assessing them as potential partners in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within an automated thought pattern of looking for a partner, within which I believe and perceive that I must always be on the lookout for a better partner, one that would 'complete' me in terms of being everything I want my partner to be, thus looking to find a partner to build what I have defined and perceived to be a perfect relationship, which I know and realise does not exist outside of my mind. Therefore I release the trigger point of participation within this construct with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and perceive men as my equals and not as potential partners.
I commit myself to stop and remove all automated relationship constructs from within myself, because I realise and understand that within those relationship constructs I am ultimately abdicating my self-responsibility through trying to achieve being in a perfect relationship as I have defined it, within which I can run and hide from myself and my self-responsibility.