Day 134: "Thin equals freedom"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior, feel negative, less than and bad, whenever I see/perceive that my partner doesn't want to cuddle and touch me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately compare myself to thin women and think/believe/perceive that if there was a thin woman in my place, that my partner would be hugging her and cuddling with her, instead of realising and understanding that I am compromising myself in my own mind by comparing myself to theoretical thin women in my head and making myself feel inferior to them, because that is how I power my mind as ego by feeling inferior to thin women and wanting to feel superior thus wanting to be thin like thin women.

When and as I see myself thinking about how my partner would treat a thin woman, if she was in my place, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, in which I have gotten so used to comparing myself to thin women and feeling inferior to them, that I do not even notice it anymore. Within this construct I will generate friction through comparison with thin women and feeling inferior to them, and then I will think about how to achieve the goal of becoming thin in order to compensate for the feelings of inferiority with superiority about being thin.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all points of comparison with thin women in my head in relation to my partner, my partnerships, relationships and life in general, because I realise and understand that comparison to thin women is what powers my mind and generates energy as friction for my mind to exist as ego within the constant and continuous flow of thoughts from the negative, where I will hate myself in comparison to thin women for being fat and envying the freedom that I perceive thin women have, to the positive, where I will promise myself to loose the weight and gain the freedom that I perceive thin women to be having within their relationships with men and their surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being thin with having freedom, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am less free to do what I want, because I am fat, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy and feel jealous of thin women, because I perceive that they have more freedom than me to exist and coexist with their surroundings than me, instead of realising and understanding that I have built up my own perception of not being free due to being fat in my head as a mind construct, within which I participate in order to power my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself longing for or being jealous and envious of thin women due to perceiving that they have more freedom than me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I have defined thin women to be more free and fat women to be less free in their self-expression, therefore I remove the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all without perceiving myself as less free due to being fat.

I commit myself to stop and remove all my self-accepted limitations of definitions and perceptions that I have built up in my mind due to being fat, because I realise and understand that I have built up all my personalities with this undercurrent, and that they are controlling every aspect of my life and self-expression.