Friday, 29 March 2013

Day 135: Self-forgiveness on ending relationships



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into jealousy, whenever I see and perceive that my partner has called another girl, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is looking for a better partner than me, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting onto him my own construct of looking for a better partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive it as unacceptable to leave my partner, if he is financially supporting me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to a partner that is financially supporting me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive it as acceptable to leave a guy, when he is being violent and dismissive, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within fear of leaving a guy, even when they are violent or dismissive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify, perceive and define it as acceptable to leave a guy, when I am no longer capable of generating good feelings within myself around him, instead of realising and understanding that I am in that moment completely disregarding the other person as life and looking to satisfy my own energetic cravings for good feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of anger, disappointment, resentment, sadness and frustration, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is resisting facing points, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire for my partner to be willing to face points in self-honesty so that I could rest assured that I can trust his application and his process, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing this, because I am afraid of him leaving me due to energies, and then I would have to feel inferior and less than and diminished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as inferior, less than, diminished and overpowered in the situation that my partner would leave me, instead of realising and understanding that I have built this definition/perception of myself in that situation because I would perceive myself as 'not good enough to stick around with'. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define people who got left behind by their partners as 'not good enough to stick around with', instead of realising that within this I am making them/myself unequal in my head.

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