Day 180: Holding a grudge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge towards my partner/parents/siblings/family/friends/other people, whenever I perceive that they have hurt me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within the victimisation construct of my mind and I am not taking absolute self-responsibility for how I experience myself in every moment. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have revenge on the people whom I held a grudge against, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I am living in the past and giving in to my mind's energetic fluctuations, and am not stable here, directing myself in breath.

When and as I see myself holding a grudge against anyone and perceiving that they have hurt me or somehow wronged me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment abdicating my self-responsibility for how I experience myself through participation within a victimisation mind construct, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that I solely am responsible for how I experience myself in every moment.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my victimisation constructs and consequential grudges and quarrels, because I realise and understand that those are a consequence of me not taking absolute responsibility for how I experience myself in every moment, and I realise and understand that I am in fact absolutely responsible for the energetic reactions that I myself create within the bounds of my physical body.

Day 179: "Sharing is polite"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with frustration, anger, annoyance, disbelief and sadness, whenever my partner/someone else doesn't offer me any of what they are having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that whenever someone/my partner is having something that can be shared, they automatically have to offer me some.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must always offer other people whatever it is that I am having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define offering people whatever I am having as polite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a polite person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty whenever I do not offer someone whatever it is that I am having, when I want to have all of it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of loss, whenever I am having something that I like, and I see/perceive that other people want some of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel  forced to offer other people something that I am having, and within this experience a sense of loss, whenever I want to have all of it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive certain items in life as my favourites and want/need/desire to have all of them to myself.

When and as I see myself wanting to have something only to myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's construct about that thing, where I have defined it as something good, better, superior, and thus want to have it all to myself, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought patter with writing, release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that I do not deserve or need all of whatever it is that I was wanting only for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people who do not offer others whatever it is that they are having as impolite and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and embarrassed about not offering other people whatever it is that I am having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the act of sharing as a benevolent, polite and superior act, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a good person, whenever I am sharing something with other people, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of perceptions that whomever shares is a good person, and whomever doesn't share is a bad person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share things with other people from the starting point of wanting to be perceived as a good/benevolent/nice/polite person, instead of sharing from the starting point of doing onto another what I want to be done onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for other people to perceive me as a good person because I share stuff with them, not realising and understanding that I am actually buying their affection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy other people's affection by sharing things with them.

When and as I see myself wanting to share something with other people within the starting point of wanting to be perceived as a good person, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's energetic construct, where I define people who share as good and friendly, and therefore want to share to be perceived by others as good and friendly, so that I might enjoy the same reciprocity from them in the future, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to buy other people's affection and friendship with sharing things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I am sharing something with others, expect the same from them in the future, and then be disappointed, angry, frustrated, resentful and sad, whenever my expectations are not fulfilled.

When and as I see myself expecting someone to share something with me because I have shared something with them in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of wanting to have a favour returned, which means that I did the sharing in the first place in order to have it returned, and not as an expression of equality, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath without expecting anyone to give me anything, because I realise and understand that I am responsible for providing for myself whatever I require.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define the act of sharing as a favour to whomever I am sharing with, not realising and understanding that I am doing so, because I have attached a value, monetary or other value, to whatever it is that I am sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I am sharing because I perceive that I have put effort and work into acquiring whatever it is that I am sharing, and therefore should be respected and thanked for sharing, and that the people whom I am sharing with should share with me in the future. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when being thanked for sharing, feel awkward and wave the thanker away with "it's nothing", when I in fact do not feel that it is nothing, but expect the thanker to share something of theirs with me in the future.

Day 178: Releasing the need for shopping - general points

Here are self-forgiveness statements on general points in relation to shopping. I will be going into specific points in blogs to come. For context please read this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with shopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and perceive shopping as a fun, entertaining activity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that shopping is fun, when I saw pictures and videos of girls having fun while shopping, instead of realising and understanding that shopping is a physical activity of getting things that are needed to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become seduced by low prices, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things that I do not need simply because they had a lower price and because I could afford them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that buying something with a lower price than usual will somehow benefit me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become happy, whenever I see that something has a lower price than usual, instead of realising and understanding the implications of products having lower prices, which is that someone had to be at a loss in order for me to have the lower price available.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited, whenever I see that something has a lower price, and that I can afford it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive shopping and finding lower priced products as exciting.

When and as I see myself having an energetic reaction to products with reduced prices, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's money constructs, where I will try to save as much money as possible due to my belief/perception that one can never have enough money, and on the flip side I will try to get as much things for as little money as possible, thus separating myself from all that is here into that one dimension of 'saving money and getting as much as possible' for my self-interest. Therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern, release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for me in the context of what is best for all, thus buying the things that I need to support myself physically and not participating within the consumerist constructs of my mind.


I commit myself to stopping and removing with writing and self-forgiveness the consumerist constructs in my mind, because I realise and understand that I entertain myself with them energetically while shopping and separate myself from all that is here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that this is a "one time chance" to buy a product with a reduced price, and that this sort of chance does not come often, instead of realising and understanding that "reduced prices" are a common and regular practice of selling products.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am missing out on something, whenever I do not buy a product with a reduced price, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive buying products with reduced prices as "a smart move", instead of realising and understanding that I have been duped by myself by believing the propaganda from sellers that buying things with low prices is a smart thing to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate, connect and equate buying sweets with happiness, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I buy sweets for myself, I will make myself happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back chat about sweets, buying sweets and defining them according to my memories of experiences with them and memories of valuing them a certain way, which I identified myself with.

When and as I see myself having back chat about sweets and wanting to buy sweets in order to pamper myself and make myself feel better, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I have defined sweets to be a pampering agent to make oneself feel better, in which on the flip side I feel worse without sweets and want/need/desire to buy them as a "pick-me-up" agent, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern, release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that my physical body does not need sweets in order to support itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive buying sweets for another and another buying sweets for me as an act of love and appreciation, instead of realising and understanding that I am within this separating myself from appreciation, and buying into the consumerist act of manifesting my inner energetic movement into the physical through money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive spending money on other people as a sign of appreciation, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I am manifesting the inner system into my outside world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appreciated, whenever someone spends money on me and buys me things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire for people to spend money on me and buy me things, in order for me to feel appreciated, instead of realising and understanding that within doing so, I am separating myself from appreciating myself and all that is here.

When and as I see myself wanting to spend money on people in order to show them my appreciation, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that within doing so, I am separating myself from myself and appreciation, I am participating within my mind's consumerist constructs, with which I contribute to the system of separation and abuse of life in this world by appreciating someone/thing more than another. Therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern, I release the points with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all without allowing myself to follow and play into the money-spending patterns of my mind, but rather focus on the physical needs that need be taken care of.

I commit myself to stop using money and buying things for myself and other people as a means of showing appreciation, because I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating in manifesting the abusive system of inner energetic movement into the physical.

Day 177: Coping with Bernard's death

When I read about this on facebook, I couldn't believe it. I thought that this is either a joke or a test. My mind went "it cannot be true". I went to check my mail, and there it was - a mail informing the group that he had died. I felt like crying, because I felt cheated out of my experience with the man. I've never met him in person, and I wanted to meet him so badly, I wanted to talk to him, find out stuff from him, get my ass kicked by his unwavering common sense in person. I've had the pleasure and honour of chatting with him a few times, and that will have to do.

He left us with the standing principle of doing what is best for All, and he left behind the tools and more than enough data for us to assist and support ourselves to start standing as that principle, so now we're going to be standing on our own, without Bernard as a safety net.

He's influenced my life more than any other being ever, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and feel sad and angry because I will never get to meet Bernard in person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that Bernard could/would somehow be able to improve and better my process, instead of realising and understanding that within this belief I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility towards my own process and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel cheated out of the experience of meeting Bernard, when I learned that he died, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to meet Bernard due to my accepted and allowed beliefs about him being extraordinary and superior to me, which I gained through reading about other people's experiences with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost and scared because Bernard has died, instead of realising and understanding that I am giving into my mind's polarity construct in which on the flip side I have felt safe for having Bernard around, not realising and understanding that by doing so, I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility towards myself, process and Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/define Bernard as a safety net, someone who would always be there to guide me, despite knowing that I have to be my own guidance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to listening to Bernard's words and think/believe/perceive that listening to his words is enough, instead of realising and understanding that I must become those words by using the tools and data that he gave us.

Yesterday I was in a state of mourning, in which I made a joke about his death and caused a lot of distress with my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel elevated in my state of mourning, and feel like I am honouring the person that has passed away by being sad about their death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for the death of one person/being, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's construct, where I will feel sad about having lost a relationship connection, with which I was creating/generating energy for my mind to keep existing as ego, all the while having a limited/skewed/veiled view of the whole picture of life in which countless beings are dying every day while I am busy mourning this one person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and better than within mourning, and define/perceive myself as a "good person" because I am being sad over the death of a particular being, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the deaths of people to be "sad", instead of realising and understanding that this sadness is a cover for fear and abdication of my own self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should be sad, whenever someone dies, instead of realising and understanding that the way I feel about a situation is not going to alter/change/better that situation in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define people dying and death as a game changer, as a change for which I need time to overcome it and adjust to it, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my own beliefs about death, and in reality I am still here and I still breathe, walk and am responsible for myself.

When and as I see myself having energetic reactions towards someone dying, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have formed a relationship connection of knowledge and information towards the input with which I am making myself experience these energetic reactions, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern that follows it, I release the points with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for All without energetic reactions to death/someone dying.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic reactions, thoughts, feeling, emotions, perceptions, beliefs about death and someone dying, because I realise and understand that death is inevitable, and that countless beings die in vain every day just to support the human system of (self-)abuse.
Therefore I also commit myself to walk this process and help establish a system, where no death will be in vain, and no abuse of Life will be tolerated.

Day 176: SHOPPING, SHOPPING, SHOPPING

I went out with the intention to buy tobacco. Afterwards I intended to go shopping for food, because I perceived that I am out of some "basics", although there is enough food in the house to sustain us for at least a week - when food is perceived as food that sustains the physical body, and not as "breakfast", which needs to consist of certain foods, "lunch" of others, and "snacks" that represent comfort, relaxing, bonding, etc.

One thought that crossed my mind was that I will go shopping because it's a "necessary activity" and because I can (at this point in my life) shop for food without having to be too careful about prices.

I would like to point out that I am one of those people that "absolutely abhor shopping" - as the activity that is defined and perceived as relaxing and uplifting. There is no worse thing for me than shopping for anything else but food. I get nervous in shopping centres, I hate having to walk around clothing shops and try out stuff, because I 'already know' that the stuff made for 'regular' (non-fat) people is simply not going to fit me or 'look good' on me. Therefore I avoid shopping for clothes as much as I can. I do it only when it is absolutely necessary.

I compensate for the brain-chemical release that other girls get while shopping for clothes and accessories - by shopping for food. Spend my money on useless and frivolous food shit - "because I can, and at some point in my life I couldn't... and I might not be able to in the future."

I entered the first shop with the intention of perhaps finding some fresher meat than they keep in my regular shop, and I saw the greengrocer part right at the entrance. I remembered reading that this is a tactic - newer shops all have the greengrocer part at the beginning of the shop. I forgot the reason, but it made me consider that I should buy some fruit and veggies, because they're "healthy", but at the same time I didn't want to drag all that weight home, therefore I only took a pack of overripe bananas - because I had to 'do something healthy for myself', and 'I like ripe bananas'. At the same time I was fearing that the shop employee, who was sorting out the greens, would perceive me as a poor person, because I was going through the cheap stuff.

I went on to the dairy product refrigerator, and looked around for things that I might like, specifically yoghurt that tastes like the one from my childhood. Now it is called "Greek-type yoghurt", and it contains way more fat than regular yoghurt. They didn't have it. I considered buying some sweet products from the refrigerator, but at that point my mind was like "nah, that's not healthy or in any way beneficial, except to fuel the mind with sugar".

I headed for the meat refrigerator, and on my way I passed the bread and delicates part of the shop. I stopped to look whether they had any products that aren't completely wheat-based, and would also be packed in such a way so that moths can't get to them, because for breakfast I had some wassa breads, and just as I was about to finish my meal, I noticed a worm wriggling on my wassa bread. I was annoyed and I threw the worm away, but I finished my meal, because I have done quite extensive self-forgiveness on fearing insects, insects on food, etc. What annoyed me was the fact that no matter how clean I try to keep things these days, there's constantly a hoard of fruit flies in the house, they're camping out and procreating in the trash that gets carried out only every other week or so.

There were no products that matched what I was looking for, so I went on to the meat part, took out some pre-packed ground meat and looked at the label. I got a bit frustrated, when I read the percentages of pork and beef, because it also wrote that there was connective tissue in there, and there was a number next to the data, but without the % sign, so I felt like I was being hustled a little. It was a bit absurd, and I felt angry for being powerless to do anything about it. I have to buy what they're offering me, or I can kiss lunch good-bye. Not that there's anything really wrong with connective tissue. It is a bit more chewy, but essentially it contains protein that my body can break down and use their components to build it's own protein. It's just that I perceive and define certain pieces of meat to be more valuable, tasty, tender, pleasant, you name it, than others. Which is entirely mind bullshit that has fuckall to do with sustenance.

I took the meat, glanced at some other meat products, and every time I do that, I briefly remember the absolute abuse that is the meat industry, therefore I quickly give up on the idea of buying meat. Which is a bit of a problem, because I thrive on meat, but I'm too lazy to go to a butcher with a bit more controlled source of meat. Especially in this heat.

I felt like entertaining myself with browsing some more because I didn't want to go home yet and work, so I took a turn to the shelves with sweets, and there I went into absolute mind-possession. "Oh look, my partner's favourite sweets are cheaper, let's take them for him, I like them too." Then I turned to the product that has been around from my childhood, and nostalgia came over me. "I haven't had those in a while, and I wonder what this new flavour is like." So I took both versions. Then I saw the third product. "Ooooh, those have a respected reputation, and they are so good, and usually too pricey for me, but now I can afford them, and indulge in them while I work, like a little treat to counter the monotony of working." The back chat in my head was going wild, and I was so possessed that I didn't even consider stopping it with breathing.

Then I saw that I've probably indulged in this mind construct a bit too much, so I went to the cashier. Next to it was a refrigerator with salads and fresh cut up melons and other fruit, and that caught my attention too. "Melons are refreshing and my partner would like it. But I still have to get home after visiting another shop, it could get smooshed by the stuff I buy there, as I only have one bag with me, and I can get them there too, if I'll want to."

I paid and as I was about to exit, I noticed a coffee machine right next to the exit. "Coffee, hmm... Nah, not in this heat." But if it were about 15 degrees cooler, there'd be a 50/50 chance that I would have gotten that coffee and lit a cigarette outside that shop. It's amazing how tactically shops are built.

I went to the next shop with the intent to get some ice-coffee. I came out with a bunch of other shit that I didn't need, mostly sweets, because the same thought processes took place as in the first shop. "Don't need greens, if I need them tomorrow, I'll come tomorrow. Can't take the meat, don't know where it's from and how abused it was. Oooh, sweets and ice cream, these will do fantastic in the coolness of the evening. OK, that's enough, Hilda, go pay and get the hell out. Ooops, almost forgot the ice-coffee. Do I need anything else? Bread. Oh, these salty croissants look good, I bet they'd go great with ice-coffee. Oh, our favourite beverage is in the place where they keep the discount articles. There's no price. OK, it will probably be here tomorrow. I'll have to come back for some or other shit anyway."
Again, my mind went rampant about stupid bullshit. I was entertaining myself with shopping. All the while I was being completely oblivious to the opposite polarity of this, which someone is living right now. The not being able to afford such shit, the worrying about how to feed oneself, the dying of 40 000 children per day from famine, while I throw away food that spoiled, because I didn't eat it due to buying so much packaged, flavour-enhanced shit, which is so much more appealing than fresh spoilables. I didn't see the whole picture, only my little fragment of the world, that minute part of life called eating. We've blown it out of proportions in our minds, and that's why half of the population of the planet doesn't have food - because at our end it's blown out of proportions. We throw food away. With that we throw these people's livelihoods away, but do we care? No, because "the price is sooo low!" We don't even consider why it is low, and who has lost a job for it to be able to be so low.

This is the mindset that powers the capitalistic/consumerist movement. The capitalists know it, and the consumers know it. But somehow we've completely accepted this as normal within ourselves. But it is completely unacceptable, because it contributes to our slow but sure destruction. Therefore we have to change our perceptions of most everything. For food that means that we have to get rid of our definitions and perceptions of food as entertainment, social bonding agent and status symbol, to what it really is - sustenance of the human body - it is a very simple thing.

Tomorrow I will publish extensive self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to the thought patterns and mind constructs I have described today.

Day 175: Witness blog - I have Researched Desteni and it is Not a Scam

My name is Hilda Rac. I am a 32 year old female from Slovenia in Europe. I am a pharmaceutical technician, I studied two years of microbiology, and now I work as a translator. I've worked several jobs as a pharmaceutical technician, none of which had anything to do with helping or saving lives, which is why I got into that scientific field before realising that it has long since stopped being a scientific field and has transformed into a profit-building field at the cost of abusing life.

I've encountered Desteni in 2008, when I was becoming increasingly fed up with the dire situation in the world, and my own seemingly aimless, pointless, directionless life within it. I was at a point, where I was browsing the internet for proof or indication of a catastrophe ending this whole abominable human mess in 2012, because, frankly, I was sick of everything. I felt hopeless and helpless in terms of doing anything about and with my life. I felt like I was simply being carried by the current of life, which I had absolutely no effect or influence on, and all I could do was to not fight it, to not make things even harder for myself before I die.
So I randomly clicked on a Desteni video, and there was this person saying that nothing is going to happen in 2012, and that the situation in this world is going to be worsening, until we, all human beings, realise that we are all equally responsible for the shit that goes on.
The video was a real eye-opener. It was sincere, direct and absolutely commonsensical, so I started investigating the material further. There were several hundred videos and documents to go through, and the more I investigated, watched and read, the more I realised and understood that for the world to change, each and every single individual must change - I must change.

Therefore I started my Process of Change. Reluctantly at first, because let's face it, nobody likes to change. We dread Change, because we feel like we're treading into unfamiliar waters. But the more I changed, the more I realised that I was actually rediscovering waters that I already knew. I was slowly but surely going back to a state of knowing myself and this world, and trusting myself in it. I learned how to remove my fears. I removed many a fear through Process, the most dramatic ones being the fear of insects and fear of dark. I am now able to hold insects in my hands - in the dark. Three years ago a combination of these two would have killed me.

I've become a calmer, more stable person. I went from being a jobless lost soul in the big bad world of survival, dependent on others to sustain me, to being a fully employed breadwinner. I went from hating life, being angry, depressed, wanting to die and end this agony, to actually living Life.
With the support of my Process-Buddies and the whole group, I rendered myself into a functional Human Being, who is ready to take responsibility for the fact that whatever is happening in the world is a direct consequence of every Human Being's thoughts. Therefore I am busy stopping and removing my thoughts that are on a global scale manifesting wars, famine, poverty and all the other abuses that we humans allow by turning our heads and looking away.
I have been investigating the Desteni material and applying the knowledge and tools for about four years now, and I can claim without a shadow of a doubt that Desteni is not a scam, and in fact offers the real, substantial solutions to all the problems Humans have. This is greatly supported by the fact that in 2012 the Desteni group launched a free online course with support of highly skilled people available for anyone and everyone.

Day 174: Releasing the Fear of the Future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future, instead of realising and understanding that this fear of the future is me fearing myself and is based on memories of past experiences, where I fear that the past will repeat itself in the future, not realising and understanding that the future is a mathematical certainty based in my behaviour, therefore I am fearing the future because I am fearing repeating my past behaviour instead of simply changing and adjusting my behaviour towards what is best for all by writing and applying self-forgiveness thus not repeating the fuckups that I have done and participated in in the past.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am the creator of my future.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the past might repeat itself and that past occurrences might happen to me again, instead of realising and understanding that thinking that 'things happen to me' is an abdication of self-responsibility within reacting to my thoughts in given situations, not realising and understanding that within self-direction it is me that makes things happen and I do not allow things to 'happen to me'.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am    powerless to change my future and therefore I have to fear it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the future is pre-determined, instead of realising and understanding that it is me who determines the future with my behaviour and who I am in every moment of every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility with the belief/perception that the future is ruled by a 'karma' and that I have no say or influence on what it is going to be like.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that my fear of the future is me fearing myself, me fearing continuing to behave as I did in the past and thus manifesting the same results as in the past.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate the future with death and my fear of the future with fear of death, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that what the future holds is unknown and that I cannot possibly know what is going to happen in the future, instead of realising and understanding that within this belief I am abdicating my self-responsibility, because I realise and understand that what happens in the future is a mathematical certainty as the outflow of my behaviour, thoughts and actions and application.


When and as I see myself fearing the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am abdicating my self-responsibility for my thoughts, deeds and actions, and am fearing myself and not being able to control and direct myself towards an outcome that is best for me in accordance to what is best for all, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern to which I abdicated my self-responsibility and direct myself in breath with awareness that I am the sole creator of my future and my experience within it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that in order to control and direct my future, I must control and direct other people/my partner, instead of realising and understanding that by wanting to control another, I am abdicating my self-responsibility, because I am looking for a specific outcome and looking to make myself feel a certain way instead of removing from myself the want/need/desire with which I have influenced myself into wanting to control and direct other people/my partner towards a specific outcome.


When and as I see myself wanting to control and direct other people/my partner towards manifesting a specific outcome in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am abdicating my self-responsibility for directing and removing my thoughts, imaginations, desires, wants, needs, projections of my mind, therefore I immediately take responsibility and investigate and remove the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.


I commit myself to stopping wanting/needing/desiring to control and direct other people in my surroundings in order to manifest a certain outcome in the future, because I realise and understand that I do that from a certain fear within my mind, with which I abdicate and avoid my self-responsibility. 

Day 173: Releasing more definitions about food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty, whenever I eat foods that I perceive to be bad for me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I hadn't eaten those foods in retrospective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that pizza, sweets, fried food and greasy food are bad for me, and feel guilty and ashamed of myself and dirty, whenever I eat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of eating foods that I perceive/define to be bad for me, because I believe that I will gain weight, instead of simply seeing food as food, and eating it only for as long as I am hungry, and not force myself to finish all of it, when I am not hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to eat everything that I have started eating and that I must finish my meal, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself, whenever I do not finish my meal, instead of simply allowing myself to eat for as long as I am hungry, and putting the rest away for later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating wheat is really bad for me, and that eating wheat is going to cause me to gain weight, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demonize wheat in my mind, and rather eat nothing than wheat, whenever nothing else is available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather eat everything that I have on my plate and finish my meal then having to go through the hassle of putting the food away properly so it doesn't spoil.

When and as I see myself wanting to finish my meal, eat everything I have on my plate, even though I am not hungry anymore, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am acting from a mind dimension, a construct of beliefs that I have about food and eating, because I can feel that my physical body is not hungry anymore, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern, release it with self-forgiveness, and direct myself in breath towards what is best for my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it a shame to not eat everything that I have paid for in a restaurant, and therefore force myself to eat everything that I've got, instead of listening to my physical body and stopping eating when I've had enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate food with money, and think/believe/perceive that I must eat everything I've paid for and may not let the food go to waste, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am throwing money away, whenever I do not finish a meal in a restaurant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not finishing a meal and feel like I am throwing money away, whenever I do not finish the food that I have paid for in a restaurant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must hide from other people, whenever I eat, because I was afraid that they might judge me and ridicule me for eating, because I am fat. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and ridicule fat people, whenever they eat in my belief that food makes people fat and that fat people shouldn't be eating until they are thin. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that fat people do not need to eat and that only thin people need to eat and have the right to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I do not have the right to eat due to being fat, and therefore want to hide from other people, whenever I am eating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee makes me less hungry and makes my metabolism faster, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes instead of eating food, whenever I am hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to diminish my weight by applying crash diets and want to loose the weight that I've been gaining for months in a short time, instead of sorting out my eating habits and testing out what my body needs and feels comfortable with.

Day 172: My Boss

Everyone fears their boss. I've already done some self-forgiveness on this subject, and my communication with my boss improved very much. Here I'm revisiting the point for myself and whomever finds it assisting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my boss as superior to me and someone that holds power over me, because my boss has influence on the money that I receive to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I see/perceive that my boss is scorning me and being angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss's reaction to the quality of work that I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of making a mistake at work due to fearing my boss's reactions to my mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive my boss as an equal human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stiffen and tighten up, whenever I have to speak to my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of saying something wrong to my boss and making him/her angry and dissatisfied with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my boss firing me and loosing my job and livelihood/money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and feel inferior, whenever my boss is criticizing my work, instead of remaining here in breath and now allowing myself to go into emotions and thoughts about what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and have spiteful thoughts about my boss, whenever I see/perceive that he/she is criticizing my work and scorning me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly worry about what to say in front of my boss and how that will make him/her feel, and what kind of consequence that will bring for me, instead of not allowing myself to be worried and just sticking to common sense and breathing and expressing myself in the moment with common sense without the worry.

When and as I see myself being worried about my interaction with my boss and fearing my boss, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that my boss is a physically equal human being that understands common sense and that our communication will be fine, as long as I stick to common sense and never make things personal, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath without participating in feelings and emotions.

Day 171: "Being me is sooo hard"

I've spent the day participating in and writing out bad/negative energies. I felt exhausted, and the thought of relaxing with some pot came up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax with pot after I've had a day of negative energies and feel exhausted from them, instead of realising and understanding that I am only wanting pot in order to alleviate those energies and not have to face them and deal with them on my own with writing and self-forgiveness.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the excuse of seeing my backchat better on pot, and using it in order to do process, when all I want is to run away from myself, because I perceive it hard to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax and rest from experiencing bad energies with watching TV or playing games, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am only running away from the responsibility to face myself in every moment of every breath and apply self-forgiveness on all the thoughts and dimensions that come up within my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is hard to be me, because I am fat and define myself as undesirable, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel sorry for myself, feel inferior and perceive my life experience to be hard, thus completely occupying myself with myself in my little mind ego bubble and within that separating myself from all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have a hard life because I am overweight, instead of realising and understanding that this is like a slap in the face of all beings that suffer physically in this world due to all of humanity being caught up in mind constructs like these, where we will make our own lives appear sooo difficult and hard that we cannot be bothered with fixing the world as a whole.

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for myself and perceiving that my life is oh so hard, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with participation in these thoughts deliberately limiting myself to my own ego world and separating myself from all that is here, thus abdicating my self-responsibility in self-honesty and the responsibility to act according to what is best for all. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all in awareness that I am part of a whole and that all my "troubles" are of energetic origin, because physically there is nothing wrong with me.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my perceptions of myself as one that has a hard life, because I realise and understand that this is my mind's construct, within which I will occupy myself and keep myself busy and limited to my own little world in order to not have to take responsibility for all that is here.

Day 170: "I am not like my mother!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and avoid being and becoming like my mother. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like my mother anyway, and have her "escapades" serve as an excuse for my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my mother as pathetic and sad due to needing my help, because of my belief that parents should be a source of stability and support for their children, and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have financially and psychologically stable parents, to whom I could turn for stability and support, whenever I feel in need of them, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility by wanting to have parents that I could run to away from myself and my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my mother and act spitefully towards her and want/need/desire to deny her my help because I perceive her to be weak and to be a less than an exemplary parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that children should be able to rely on their parents all their lives, even after coming of age, instead of realising and understanding that I am within this belief looking for an excuse and reason to not take absolute self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, disinterest, annoyance, resentfulness, frustration and spitefulness, whenever my mother asks me for help, because I feel like it is unfair for her to ask my help, when I perceive that she didn't do a good job in being a parent, and now I perceive her to be the same freeloader I always perceived her to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/perceive/define my mother as a lazy freeloader, who is not willing to work for a decent survival of her children, but would rather have and make fun only for herself no matter the consequences to others, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting a part of myself onto her, because I too carry a very selfish part within myself, where I would put my own indulgences and energetic addictions before the actual physical needs of other beings, which I can observe every time I pass a "less fortunate" than myself, and do not share with them everything I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that a mother should always consider and regard her children first, before everyone else, even herself, and to label/define/judge/perceive a mother, who doesn't do so, as a bad mother, as one that does not deserve to be helped by her children, when they come of age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promise help to  my mother if she does process, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated, angry, annoyed and resentful, when I see/perceive that my mother is doing process from the starting point of making me happy in order to get my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember all the bad memories and instances, where I perceived that my mother has hurt me, whenever I talk to her, especially, when she is asking my help, and then use these memories within myself to justify and excuse my reluctance to help her, instead of allowing myself to have a blank clean slate and a common sense outlook on my mother's situation without allowing the polarity driven memories about my experiences with my mother, which I have not released yet, to dictate and direct my responses to her situation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally let go of all the polarity driven memories that I use in order to generate the characters of the personality, within which I communicate and participate with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and resentment towards my mother, whenever she asks me for help, in order for me to not have to take responsibility to help her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my mother to leave me alone and not ask me for help, because I perceive/define helping my mother to be a hassle, and I perceive that if I help her, she will not appreciate or respect it anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be appreciated and respected by my mother/parents/family/siblings/friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to help my mother from the starting point of wanting to get her respect and appreciation. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always feel unappreciated and disrespected by my mother because I perceive that she was being self-indulgent and always put her own wants/needs/desires before my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my mother doesn't respect of appreciate me, because I perceive she never cared to take care of my needs before her own self-indulgent behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/judge/label my mother as a self-indulgent bitch, instead of realising that I am the self-indulgent bitch, who is projecting parts of myself onto her, and feeling superior within it, since "I do not have children that need my care and attention, which I am then not giving them, which is what my mother behaved like".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry within myself a constantly and continuously running underlying hatred for my mother, because I perceived/believed/thought that she didn't make an effort in order to provide her children with a dignified life, but instead counted on them to provide that for her, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting myself onto her, because I myself was counting on other people including my mother to provide me with a dignified life, within which I was running away from my own self-responsibility to provide myself with a dignified life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to count on other people in my life - my parents, siblings, family, relatives, friends and partner - to provide a dignified life for me, and then react with resentment, anger, frustration, spitefulness and hatred, whenever I perceived that this didn't happen, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to provide a dignified life for myself.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively or positively in interaction and participation with my mother, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am projecting onto her a part of myself that I have not yet dealt with, therefore I investigate the trigger point and release the thought/behavioural pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath with common sense towards what is best for both my mother and me in the given situation.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my memories and consequential reactions to my mother, because I realise and understand that as long as I have reactions towards her, I am not standing and directing myself in stability and clarity, but am participating with/through my mind as ego.

I commit myself to observing myself, when interacting, talking to and participating with my mother, and immediately writing out the memories and reactions that come up within me, because I realise and understand that by doing so, I will gain clarity and self-direction necessary for directing the situation at hand and assisting and supporting myself and my mother as myself, instead of denying her my help due to spitefulness based on the polarity of memories of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my mother to always behave as she did, when I felt happy and content with having her around, where she devoted her time to me, spent time with me, and wasn't drunk, instead of realising and understanding that by having expectations of my mother to always behave in a way that makes me happy and content, I am setting myself up for disappointments and resentment and hatred towards my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  define/perceive my mother to be a cool mother, when she wasn't drunk, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire for my mother to always be sober and act like the "caring" mothers on TV, and show interest in how I am doing in my life and show interest in my school and grades, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct of wishing to have the perfect mother and wishing to feel superior to other kids/my friends for having a perfect mother and being able to brag about it, and on the flip side feeling inferior for not having these experiences that I have come up with in my head about my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my mother as not caring and not loving and not attentive enough for me to want to help her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swear to myself that I will never be like my mother, and hate being compared to her, instead of realising and understanding that this is so, because I am like my mother, and am projecting myself on her, and this is why I hate her. I realise and understand that for me to clear myself of energetic reactions towards my mother, I must release from myself the points that I judge in her, with which I will give myself a stable and clear outlook and self-direction in communication and participation with my mother.

Day 169: Relationship paranoia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being cheated on and/or left by my partner and looking like a fool in front of everyone, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting this possibility onto my partner from within, where I would look for ways in my mind to cheat on my partner after being fed up with him or dissatisfied with him in some way, and hide this form him, thus staying within the comfort of the relationship, where I perceived myself to be safe and secure form the world. I also forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I have built up the fear of being cheated on when I watched my mother cheat on my father, and I would feel sorry for him for having a wife that is not faithful to him.

When and as I see myself fearing that my partner is looking for ways to cheat on me, and that he is interested in other women, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am giving into my paranoia of not wanting to look like a fool, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, not allowing myself to go into paranoia and projection that he is looking for ways to cheat on me, because I realise and understand that I am projecting my own personality onto him, and not seeing the reality of the situation as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to see myself as a fool for trusting my partner in the possible event of him cheating on me, instead of realising and understanding that I am fearing this because I fear loosing the relationship and the comfort that I perceive it provides for me, not realising and understanding that I am separating myself from comfort by defining and perceiving it to only be providable within a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and perceive the relationship with my partner as comfortable and safe and secure, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure within a relationship, instead of realising and understanding that I am abdicating my full self-responsibility within doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and question my partner about cheating on me, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeling insecure, because I think/believe/perceive that he might run off with some other woman because I don't think I am pretty enough for him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about my partner staying with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my partner might run off with some other woman, because he doesn't perceive me as beautiful enough, instead of realising and understanding that I am the one that labels/perceives myself that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as not pretty/beautiful enough for my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to be more beautiful for my partner, because I fear that he might run off with some other woman, not realising and understanding that it is me who is defining and perceiving myself as not good enough for him, and therefore fearing that he might leave me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am not good enough, pretty enough and beautiful enough for my partner to want to be with me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for my partner for having to be with me, and wanting myself to be more beautiful, because I fear that if I am not more beautiful, I will loose the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to hold on to the relationship with my partner, because I perceive myself to be not beautiful and young enough for him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is still wanting to be with his old partner, instead of realising that I use this fear in order to fuel my mind by feeling inferior to his ex by thinking that he still wants to be with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner still wants to be with his ex, instead of realising and understanding that I am using this fear in order to keep myself in my preprogrammed design of believing that I am not good enough for my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive/fear that I am not good enough, pretty enough, young enough and beautiful enough for my partner to want to be with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will always perceive myself as not good enough, beautiful enough and young enough for my partner, and try to balance it out with superiority such as "I have more experience, I am better at sex, I make more money and I do better process", and I will use this polarity to keep myself occupied and enslaved by my mind

When and as I see myself thinking that I am not good enough for my partner, not pretty/beautiful enough and not young enough for my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within relationship paranoia, where I fear loosing my partner and want to hold on to my partner, because I perceive that I have more worth , when I am in a partnership, especially with a younger man, because that might make me younger in the eyes of others, therefore I release the trigger point of thinking I am not good enough for my partner, and I direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that being in a relationship with a younger man makes me more desirable in the eyes of others, instead of realising and understanding that I myself have come up with that definition, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that women with younger partners are worth something more, that they are more desirable and therefore better/superior to other women.

Day 168: Rendering myself inactive with perfectionism paranoia

It was suggested to me to write a blog (series) about paranoia on beauty and physical appearance. I immediately went into fear and self-doubt about whether I’ll be able to do this effectively and whether other people are going to understand my writings and whether they’ll see me as more than for having such “deep insight”. I allowed these thoughts and fears to fester. I have neglected my daily writings, and caught myself in the same vicious loop of being inactive that I’ve been living since forever - the loop of simply not doing something because of fear and self-doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and self-doubt, whenever someone asks me to do something that I have not done before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing new things and trying out new things due to being afraid that I might not excel at them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that everything I do must be perfect, or it is not worth even trying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that I would do less than perfect, if I tried out a new thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have perfect results with everything that I do, so that I would be praised by other people for being so good at things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things and try out new things with the starting point of being praised by other people for my results, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my mind with energy by feeling positive, whenever someone praises me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave other people’s appraisal for the things that I do in life, instead of me being the starting point of doing things for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for being inactive and not writing blogs regularly every day, instead of realizing and understanding that I am giving into anger, because I feel helpless and worthless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worthless, whenever I do not know how to do something, instead of assisting and supporting myself to try and find a way to learn how to do things that I do not know how to do yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, and think/believe/perceive that I am unable to do something, just because I haven’t learned it yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I will be having problems with learning how to do new things, instead of realizing and understanding that I have accepted within myself the opinion/perception/belief about myself that I have trouble learning and that I am not a capable learner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as an incapable learner, instead of realizing and understanding that learning is a result of putting in the effort and time to assist and support myself to learn something. I realize and understand that if I assist and support myself efficiently and put in enough time to learn something, then I will learn it – it is only a matter of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from having to do new things, because I’m afraid of failure, by claiming to myself that I am a bad learner anyway and it is not even worth trying to learn to do something new.

When and as I see myself wanting to avoid doing new things and learning how to do new things, I stop and I breathe. I realize and understand that I am compromising myself by wanting to do things perfectly, even the first time, or not do them at all, therefore I release the trigger point of avoidance with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to go into self-doubt and want/need/desire to do the new thing perfectly, because I realize and understand that wanting to do something perfect is stemming from my desire for other people’s approval and appraisal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and to feel lazy, whenever I should be learning or doing something new, instead of realizing and understanding that this laziness is actually my fear of not having perfect results, and the underlying fear of being criticized and the underlying desire to be praised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be praised by other people for the results of the things that I do, which I have built up in childhood, where I was praised by my teachers and mother as a very bright child, which I then took as condition that I must justify by having perfect results, and if I cannot do that, I would rather not try at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave/want/need/desire to have my father’s appraisal and approval, for him to be proud of me, so that I could have some positive experiences with him, instead of having to fear him all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father’s response about the things that I am doing and the results that I am getting. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to do everything perfectly, so that my father would not be angry with me for not doing it perfectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what I perceive to be other people’s inactivity and laziness about process as an excuse for my own inactivity and laziness, instead of realizing and understanding that I am comparing and within that compromising myself and my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loop and spiral into weeks of inactivity due to fear of the unknown, whenever I have to do something new, and the fear of failure, instead of realizing and understanding that the longer I wait for myself, the more unwanted consequences I’ll have to deal with for not having taken responsibility immediately when I had the chance.

Whenever I see myself making up excuses and feeling too lazy or too tired or too busy to write a blog and do some self-forgiveness every day, I stop and I breathe. I realize and understand that by not moving forward in my process every day, I take steps backwards and render myself useless and ineffective. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to skip writing and doing process with self-forgiveness, and I direct myself in breath towards completing my daily writing and working through points, because I realize and understand that otherwise I will allow myself to unnecessarily loop and fall in life.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop wasting my own time and stop running away from having to face myself by playing games and entertaining myself with watching movies and series as a compensation for the work for money that I have to do and define as less pleasant than the entertainment part (with which I balance the work), because I realize and understand that I am wasting time with only my own definitions and perceptions of how things are, thus I realize and understand that writing out and removing those perceptions and definitions with self-forgiveness is crucial, because then I stop defining things as positive and negative, with which I enable myself to do things that are necessary and need to be done in order to manifest a reality that is best for all.