Day 171: "Being me is sooo hard"

I've spent the day participating in and writing out bad/negative energies. I felt exhausted, and the thought of relaxing with some pot came up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax with pot after I've had a day of negative energies and feel exhausted from them, instead of realising and understanding that I am only wanting pot in order to alleviate those energies and not have to face them and deal with them on my own with writing and self-forgiveness.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the excuse of seeing my backchat better on pot, and using it in order to do process, when all I want is to run away from myself, because I perceive it hard to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to relax and rest from experiencing bad energies with watching TV or playing games, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am only running away from the responsibility to face myself in every moment of every breath and apply self-forgiveness on all the thoughts and dimensions that come up within my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is hard to be me, because I am fat and define myself as undesirable, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel sorry for myself, feel inferior and perceive my life experience to be hard, thus completely occupying myself with myself in my little mind ego bubble and within that separating myself from all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have a hard life because I am overweight, instead of realising and understanding that this is like a slap in the face of all beings that suffer physically in this world due to all of humanity being caught up in mind constructs like these, where we will make our own lives appear sooo difficult and hard that we cannot be bothered with fixing the world as a whole.

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for myself and perceiving that my life is oh so hard, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with participation in these thoughts deliberately limiting myself to my own ego world and separating myself from all that is here, thus abdicating my self-responsibility in self-honesty and the responsibility to act according to what is best for all. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all in awareness that I am part of a whole and that all my "troubles" are of energetic origin, because physically there is nothing wrong with me.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my perceptions of myself as one that has a hard life, because I realise and understand that this is my mind's construct, within which I will occupy myself and keep myself busy and limited to my own little world in order to not have to take responsibility for all that is here.