Day 177: Coping with Bernard's death

When I read about this on facebook, I couldn't believe it. I thought that this is either a joke or a test. My mind went "it cannot be true". I went to check my mail, and there it was - a mail informing the group that he had died. I felt like crying, because I felt cheated out of my experience with the man. I've never met him in person, and I wanted to meet him so badly, I wanted to talk to him, find out stuff from him, get my ass kicked by his unwavering common sense in person. I've had the pleasure and honour of chatting with him a few times, and that will have to do.

He left us with the standing principle of doing what is best for All, and he left behind the tools and more than enough data for us to assist and support ourselves to start standing as that principle, so now we're going to be standing on our own, without Bernard as a safety net.

He's influenced my life more than any other being ever, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and feel sad and angry because I will never get to meet Bernard in person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that Bernard could/would somehow be able to improve and better my process, instead of realising and understanding that within this belief I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility towards my own process and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel cheated out of the experience of meeting Bernard, when I learned that he died, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to meet Bernard due to my accepted and allowed beliefs about him being extraordinary and superior to me, which I gained through reading about other people's experiences with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost and scared because Bernard has died, instead of realising and understanding that I am giving into my mind's polarity construct in which on the flip side I have felt safe for having Bernard around, not realising and understanding that by doing so, I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility towards myself, process and Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/define Bernard as a safety net, someone who would always be there to guide me, despite knowing that I have to be my own guidance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to listening to Bernard's words and think/believe/perceive that listening to his words is enough, instead of realising and understanding that I must become those words by using the tools and data that he gave us.

Yesterday I was in a state of mourning, in which I made a joke about his death and caused a lot of distress with my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel elevated in my state of mourning, and feel like I am honouring the person that has passed away by being sad about their death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for the death of one person/being, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's construct, where I will feel sad about having lost a relationship connection, with which I was creating/generating energy for my mind to keep existing as ego, all the while having a limited/skewed/veiled view of the whole picture of life in which countless beings are dying every day while I am busy mourning this one person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and better than within mourning, and define/perceive myself as a "good person" because I am being sad over the death of a particular being, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the deaths of people to be "sad", instead of realising and understanding that this sadness is a cover for fear and abdication of my own self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should be sad, whenever someone dies, instead of realising and understanding that the way I feel about a situation is not going to alter/change/better that situation in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define people dying and death as a game changer, as a change for which I need time to overcome it and adjust to it, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my own beliefs about death, and in reality I am still here and I still breathe, walk and am responsible for myself.

When and as I see myself having energetic reactions towards someone dying, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have formed a relationship connection of knowledge and information towards the input with which I am making myself experience these energetic reactions, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought pattern that follows it, I release the points with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for All without energetic reactions to death/someone dying.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my energetic reactions, thoughts, feeling, emotions, perceptions, beliefs about death and someone dying, because I realise and understand that death is inevitable, and that countless beings die in vain every day just to support the human system of (self-)abuse.
Therefore I also commit myself to walk this process and help establish a system, where no death will be in vain, and no abuse of Life will be tolerated.