Saturday, 29 June 2013

Day 169: Relationship paranoia


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being cheated on and/or left by my partner and looking like a fool in front of everyone, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting this possibility onto my partner from within, where I would look for ways in my mind to cheat on my partner after being fed up with him or dissatisfied with him in some way, and hide this form him, thus staying within the comfort of the relationship, where I perceived myself to be safe and secure form the world. I also forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I have built up the fear of being cheated on when I watched my mother cheat on my father, and I would feel sorry for him for having a wife that is not faithful to him.

When and as I see myself fearing that my partner is looking for ways to cheat on me, and that he is interested in other women, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am giving into my paranoia of not wanting to look like a fool, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, not allowing myself to go into paranoia and projection that he is looking for ways to cheat on me, because I realise and understand that I am projecting my own personality onto him, and not seeing the reality of the situation as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to see myself as a fool for trusting my partner in the possible event of him cheating on me, instead of realising and understanding that I am fearing this because I fear loosing the relationship and the comfort that I perceive it provides for me, not realising and understanding that I am separating myself from comfort by defining and perceiving it to only be providable within a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and perceive the relationship with my partner as comfortable and safe and secure, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure within a relationship, instead of realising and understanding that I am abdicating my full self-responsibility within doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and question my partner about cheating on me, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeling insecure, because I think/believe/perceive that he might run off with some other woman because I don't think I am pretty enough for him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about my partner staying with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my partner might run off with some other woman, because he doesn't perceive me as beautiful enough, instead of realising and understanding that I am the one that labels/perceives myself that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as not pretty/beautiful enough for my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to be more beautiful for my partner, because I fear that he might run off with some other woman, not realising and understanding that it is me who is defining and perceiving myself as not good enough for him, and therefore fearing that he might leave me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am not good enough, pretty enough and beautiful enough for my partner to want to be with me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for my partner for having to be with me, and wanting myself to be more beautiful, because I fear that if I am not more beautiful, I will loose the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to hold on to the relationship with my partner, because I perceive myself to be not beautiful and young enough for him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is still wanting to be with his old partner, instead of realising that I use this fear in order to fuel my mind by feeling inferior to his ex by thinking that he still wants to be with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner still wants to be with his ex, instead of realising and understanding that I am using this fear in order to keep myself in my preprogrammed design of believing that I am not good enough for my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive/fear that I am not good enough, pretty enough, young enough and beautiful enough for my partner to want to be with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will always perceive myself as not good enough, beautiful enough and young enough for my partner, and try to balance it out with superiority such as "I have more experience, I am better at sex, I make more money and I do better process", and I will use this polarity to keep myself occupied and enslaved by my mind

When and as I see myself thinking that I am not good enough for my partner, not pretty/beautiful enough and not young enough for my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within relationship paranoia, where I fear loosing my partner and want to hold on to my partner, because I perceive that I have more worth , when I am in a partnership, especially with a younger man, because that might make me younger in the eyes of others, therefore I release the trigger point of thinking I am not good enough for my partner, and I direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that being in a relationship with a younger man makes me more desirable in the eyes of others, instead of realising and understanding that I myself have come up with that definition, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that women with younger partners are worth something more, that they are more desirable and therefore better/superior to other women.

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