Day 196: A not-so-surprising twist

Today I set out to do self-forgiveness on my perceptions and beliefs and definitions of myself in relation to sustainability, but the more I turned the points inwards, the more I gravitated towards money and the power it represents in our minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, frustration, resentment, sadness and powerlessness, when I see other people not caring for the environment, throwing trash on the streets and lawns and parks and anywhere outside of the designated trashcans and containers, when I see people wasting water, when I see people not dividing their trash into recyclables, throwing away glass bottles and paper together with non-recyclable trash, and everything else that I perceive to be transgressions against nature, instead of realising and understanding that with these feelings/emotions I am putting myself in a superior position over them by judging them as living unsustainably, I am comparing myself to them, thus I am participating within my mind and feeding it energy with this behaviour/experience within myself, not realising and understanding that I am limiting myself into a polarity mind construct of positive and negative, superior and inferior, thus disabling myself from directing myself effectively towards what is best for all in equality with all that is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior, better and more than people whom I perceive are not caring for the planet and the environment by taking into consideration the management of trash.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, less than, limited, disempowered and helpless, when I see people not taking into consideration the waste that they produce and how wasteful they are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/define people whom I perceive to be wasting resources such as water and food as bad/inferior/evil/limited, not realising and understanding that with this judgement I am participating within my mind's polarity construct where on the flip side I judge/define myself as superior/good/benevolent for taking into consideration nature and resources and trying to minimize my wasting of resources, thus I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, with which I feed energy to my mind as ego, and I am limiting myself from being directive about the subject.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear telling people that they should be less wasteful and think/believe/perceive that I have no right to tell them how they should live, because I myself wouldn't want other people to tell me how I should live, thus in this case I am perpetuating the fuckup by not doing to another what I wouldn't want done onto myself in terms of the ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insulted and angry, whenever I see/perceive that other people are telling me how I should be living my life, and have the words "how dare they" come up within me, instead of critically assessing what they are saying and implementing with myself that which is good without any emotional reactions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that no one should be and has the right to be telling me how I should live my life and what I should be doing in my life with things that I perceive to be mine, instead of realising and understanding that with this kind of thinking I am allowing ultimate separation within myself, where I will perceive myself as completely autonomous and separated from the world into my own little bubble, my own little life, where I am allowed to do as I please without considering others and my environment and the planet as a whole, but focus only on myself and the instant gratification of my own personal needs/wants/desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have in my life more things and more resources than I actually need to live and function normally, instead of realising and understanding that this want/need/desire is coming from my fear of not having enough in the future and is also stemming from a desire to prove myself in society as a successful person, which I would display through owning more than I need, through owning pricy products, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind construct of conspicuous consumption, where I will want to flaunt my status with products and services of a high/the highest standard in order to feel equal or superior to other people within my comparison and competition with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and compete with other people in terms of owning products, money, resources, and feel inferior to them, when I perceive that I have less material possessions than them and/or have products of less value, and on the flip side will feel superior to them, when I perceive that I have more material possessions than them and products of more value, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct and I am feeding my mind as ego energy with these thoughts of comparison and competition, inferiority and superiority in terms of material possessions in order for my mind to survive as ego, thus I am abusing my physical body and am harvesting its substance in order to transform it into energy for the sake of generating these thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I 'own' anything in this world, and create energetic relationships to the things that I perceive to be owning by creating within myself a fear of loss towards those things, and creating self-definitions with which I will value/validate myself, thus I will use those things in order to create definitions of myself in relation to those things, where I will feel superior or inferior for 'owning' them, and I will also feel superior and/or inferior for not 'owning' certain things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a person that lives more or less sustainably, and within this feel superior and more than other people, not realising and understanding that with this self-definition I have limited myself into a mind construct, beyond which I cannot see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to other people for NOT owning certain products that I perceive/define as wasteful and useless or not too useful, and overpriced for being of a certain brand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to people whom I see using Apple products, and whom I perceive to not have any practical need for them, and to then judge those people as wasteful and falling victim to conspicuous consumption, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing so because I feel inferior for not being able to afford/not wanting to afford and compromise my budget for an Apple product, thus I am essentially being jealous and envious of those people and their monetary status/ability to afford Apple products.
When and as I see myself wanting to judge people for having Apple products, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am wanting to make myself feel superior, because I feel inferior for not having an Apple product, because I perceive/define Apple products to be a status symbol of the wealthy/well of people, therefore
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive Apple products to be a status symbol of the wealthy/well off people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/need/desire to have Apple products in order to project an image of myself and have other people perceive me as a wealthy/well off person, who deserves their respect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate Apple products and people who have Apple products to respect, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate money and the display of having enough/a lot of money with respect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel respect and envy at the same time for people who have Apple products, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within comparison and competition with those people, thus I am participating within my mind and I am not being equal to all that is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel respect and fear for/of people whom I perceive to have a lot of money, and then compare to them and wish that I was like them, and then start competing with them in my mind and then feel inferior and try to project superiority in order to compensate for the inferiority I am feeling, which I would then project outwards as hostility, jealousy and general judgment of those people as being less than myself because they are indulging in such a despicable display of wealth, which I would also like to be indulging in, in order to be respected and feared for having a lot of money, because I connect and equate that with power over others and over my own life.
When and as I see myself having any kind of energetic reactions towards people whom I perceive to be having a lot of money, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel inferior to them, because I connect and equate having a lot of money with having power, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath in equality with those people, and I do not allow myself to go into polarity experiences of my mind.
I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my energetic reactions towards people whom I perceive to have a lot of money, because I realise and understand that money is only a perceived form of power that we have all agreed upon collectively, and is causing massive abuse of life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people, whom I perceive to have a lot of money, can hurt me in some way, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable, exposed, and at the mercy of people whom I perceive to have a lot of money, instead of realising and understanding that by allowing this fear within me I am perpetuating the abuse that money causes in the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/utilize money to hurt other people, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about having a lot of money with which I could then hurt people that I perceive have done me wrong, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within the abusive mind patterns that sometimes play out in reality, thus I am supporting the abuse that money can buy.
When and as I see myself thinking about using money in order to hurt/spite other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of inferiority/superiority and constructs about displays of power, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all, because I realise and understand that the utilization of money as power is unacceptable.
I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my thought patterns and mind constructs about money as power, because I realise and understand that as long as I have those within me, I cannot be trusted with Life, I cannot trust myself with Life, because there exists a potential of abuse in me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as power over others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money in order to buy affection and fondness of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things for others in order for them to like me and to be my friends whom I could rely on in the future to have my back and essentially return the favour that I did them by buying things for them, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within an energetic debt system as a debtor, thus I am abusing others by binding them into a non-spoken contract/agreement that they will return what I perceive that I have given them, when in reality I handed over a few pieces of paper, a few numbers, an illusion.

Day 179: "Sharing is polite"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with frustration, anger, annoyance, disbelief and sadness, whenever my partner/someone else doesn't offer me any of what they are having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that whenever someone/my partner is having something that can be shared, they automatically have to offer me some.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must always offer other people whatever it is that I am having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define offering people whatever I am having as polite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a polite person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty whenever I do not offer someone whatever it is that I am having, when I want to have all of it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of loss, whenever I am having something that I like, and I see/perceive that other people want some of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel  forced to offer other people something that I am having, and within this experience a sense of loss, whenever I want to have all of it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive certain items in life as my favourites and want/need/desire to have all of them to myself.

When and as I see myself wanting to have something only to myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's construct about that thing, where I have defined it as something good, better, superior, and thus want to have it all to myself, therefore I investigate the trigger point and thought patter with writing, release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath within the realisation that I do not deserve or need all of whatever it is that I was wanting only for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people who do not offer others whatever it is that they are having as impolite and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and embarrassed about not offering other people whatever it is that I am having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the act of sharing as a benevolent, polite and superior act, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as a good person, whenever I am sharing something with other people, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of perceptions that whomever shares is a good person, and whomever doesn't share is a bad person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share things with other people from the starting point of wanting to be perceived as a good/benevolent/nice/polite person, instead of sharing from the starting point of doing onto another what I want to be done onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for other people to perceive me as a good person because I share stuff with them, not realising and understanding that I am actually buying their affection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy other people's affection by sharing things with them.

When and as I see myself wanting to share something with other people within the starting point of wanting to be perceived as a good person, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's energetic construct, where I define people who share as good and friendly, and therefore want to share to be perceived by others as good and friendly, so that I might enjoy the same reciprocity from them in the future, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to buy other people's affection and friendship with sharing things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I am sharing something with others, expect the same from them in the future, and then be disappointed, angry, frustrated, resentful and sad, whenever my expectations are not fulfilled.

When and as I see myself expecting someone to share something with me because I have shared something with them in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of wanting to have a favour returned, which means that I did the sharing in the first place in order to have it returned, and not as an expression of equality, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath without expecting anyone to give me anything, because I realise and understand that I am responsible for providing for myself whatever I require.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define the act of sharing as a favour to whomever I am sharing with, not realising and understanding that I am doing so, because I have attached a value, monetary or other value, to whatever it is that I am sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I am sharing because I perceive that I have put effort and work into acquiring whatever it is that I am sharing, and therefore should be respected and thanked for sharing, and that the people whom I am sharing with should share with me in the future. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when being thanked for sharing, feel awkward and wave the thanker away with "it's nothing", when I in fact do not feel that it is nothing, but expect the thanker to share something of theirs with me in the future.

Day 157: The Eurovision Hunger Games

Today was the Eurovision song contest, which I used to watch with my family when I was little. I stopped quite a few years ago, when the quality of the music dropped to an astoundingly low level, giving way to the visual stimuli and cheap "catchy" beats that replaced it.

But this year, just for the sake of having a chance to view it on a huge screen tv, I gave in to nostalgia, knowing fully well what to expect.

So two days ago I watched the semi finals, and in a given moment, the show host turned to one of the performers, and said in a highly snobbish way that he looks fabulous. The scene reminded me of a movie I watched last year, the Hunger Games. The similarity between the movie and this real life show was astounding. Only the killing was missing. 

Here we are, a world in peril, crippled by wars, famine, slave labour pollution and the division of the population into a small elite and a vast majority of increasingly unhappy "citizens", yet we as individuals do nothing about it, because we're too entertained, too busy, and too limited, to even conceive that we, as a part of the whole, are responsible for the mess that humanity finds itself in. We are too busy supporting the system to even notice how we are supporting the system.

The ironic part was that the slogan of this year's contest was "We are one", which was meant to give the average European a sense of belonging, and to promote the slowly but surely coming merging into the European Superstate. That's all fine and dandy, only the average European is not even remotely aware of where it's comfortable lifestyle is coming from. It's coming from the wars, famine, slave labour and consequential pollution of the other parts of the world, which are conveniently termed as "second" and "third", as to not be seen as part of this "first" one, thus "not being our problem". And that's how we deal with that.

Unfortunately for us, limited beings of the "first" world, there is no such thing as three worlds. There is only one enclosed Earth, an interconnected system of systems, which is all but collapsing into itself. The fact that we're not noticing it yet is due to it's physical size, but this is also catching up with us, as the global monetary-economic system, whose mathematical design is working against Life itself, puts more and more people on the street - even in the so called "first" world.

When do we truly realise that we are in fact one and that each one is equally responsible for the abuse that is going on? Will it only happen as we experience the nuclear winter? Or not even then?

We need a new system, one that supports Life and all living beings, but that will only happen when 51% of us realise all of the aforementioned. For that we need to rid ourselves from the imaginary reality that we have conditioned ourselves into throughout our lives by following the programming and thus perpetuating the sins of our forefathers.


www.equalmoney.org
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect/equate the eurovision song contest with cosiness, comfortableness, fun and safety, because I used to watch it with my family when I was little.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive watching the eurovision song contest as a fun activity, instead of realising and understanding that while I am being entertained, billions of beings on this planet are suffering and dying for me to be able to be entertained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept the eurovision song contest as something normal in this world, instead of realising and understanding that it is simply another diversion point, with which I keep myself oblivious to the world in peril that surrounds me and my own personal responsibility towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with the eurovision song contest, and define/perceive myself an authority for giving critique on it, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a superiority construct of my mind, where I will compare myself to the contestants and criticize them in my belief that "I would do better" or support them, because the song might have struck a chord that appealed to me, not realising and understanding that I am making this activity a part of my own personal bubble, in which I am so self-important that watching the show and giving my opinion on it is more important than all the suffering that I allow by participating within this construct and therefore ignoring the suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch the show with the starting point of choosing a favourite that I would then root for and identify myself with, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior, happy and positive, when my favourite is doing well in the rating part of the show, and will feel inferior, negative and sad, when my favourite is not doing well in the rating part of the show. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic reactions/emotional responses to how my favourite is doing in the rating part of the show, instead of realising that this is exactly how I keep myself enslaved and blind to the actual state of the world, by creating and filtering my own version of it, where I will then talk about my favourite and try to get others to agree with my opinions and perceptions, not realising and understanding that with this action I am only powering my mind as ego of thoughts, emotions and feelings that power the separation between human beings in the world and making us blind to each other and seeing ourselves in another, because then we believe that we are seemingly different, when in fact we all have the same basic needs, which should be provided for everyone equally, but are in our current reality provided only for a few of us out here in the imaginary "first world".