Monday, 15 September 2014

198: The Fear and Pride in Perfectionism



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my work in a less than what I perceive to be perfect form due to fear that if I do not submit my work in a perfect form, that someone will find a mistake in my translation and have me fired for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become obsessed with submitting perfect translations to the point of not allowing myself to have any free time for myself in the day, but spend almost all of my time on work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that a viewer might notice a mistake in my translation and write to my superiors and have me fired for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of losing my livelihood, my financial self-support in case I got fired, instead of realising and understanding that I am through this fear abdicating my absolute self-responsibility to keep myself financially stable and fluent to support myself within the system with any kind of job I can get.
When and as I see myself becoming overly worried and perfectionistic about my work, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am being overly perfectionistic because I'm afraid to make a mistake and I am fearing the possibility of being fired due to a mistake or mistakes, thus I am afraid of losing my source of income. I also realise and understand and trust myself that I can provide for myself another source of income in case I lose my job, and I realise and understand that I fear losing this job because I perceive it as glamorous and respected, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern of the perfectionism with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to be overly perfectionistic to the point of wasting my own time with unimportant details.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my job as a translator to be a respected and glamorous job, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will make myself feel superior to other people for being a translator and am causing separation within myself and my world by defining/perceiving some jobs to be better/more than and others as worse/less than.
I commit myself to stopping and removing my wasteful and time-consuming perfectionism, because I realise and understand that otherwise I will be limiting myself only to my job and being good at work and I will not be allowing myself to expand in other areas of my life.
I commit myself to allowing myself to not worry and be perfectionistic about my job, so that I may expand myself in and explore and enjoy self-expression in other areas of my life that I am currently neglecting/ignoring due to being overly perfectionistic about my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overly perfectionistic about my work to the extent of compromising my time, my life, my self-expression in physical movement, my process, in order to do a perfect job so that I may get feedback from others, especially my former boss, that I am doing a good job, so that I could feel proud of myself and the work that I have done, instead of realising and understanding that with this kind of behaviour and thinking I am limiting myself into a mind polarity construct, where I will feel pride as superiority to others/my peers for having done a good job, and on the flip side I will fear making a mistake and consequentially feel shame for not having done a good job, not realising and understanding that I am simply generating energy with these thoughts for my mind to survive as ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pride as superiority over others, whenever I perceive that I have done a good job with my work, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do in order to be able to feel that pride as superiority over others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perceived as a good translator so that I could be proud of that aspect of myself.
When and as I see myself being overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will feel pride for doing a good job, and on the flip side I will feel fear of not doing a good job and therefore feeling shame, thus I am generating energy for my mind to survive as ego. Therefore I release the trigger point and though pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards doing the necessary adequate work, and I do not allow myself to go into desire to be proud of my work, as I realise and understand that with that I am only supporting my ego and am not being productive at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become overly perfectionistic about my job and the work that I do due to fear of being scolded by my superiors for not doing a good job and due to fear of being fired by my superiors for not doing a good job. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work from a starting point of fear due to allowing the memory of my boss yelling at me for making mistakes to linger around in me and generate the need for perfectionism so that I would avoid being yelled at if I make a mistake.

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