Sunday, 7 September 2014
Day 195: Walking alone in the woods in order to avoid people in the park
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when taking a walk, choose a path that is not too popular with other people and is less walked by them, in order to not have to meet people, not have to walk behind them in their pace while perceiving and judging them as being too slow, not have to fear being judged for my appearance by them, which I am fearing because I myself in my mind judge and compare to and compete with people in my field of vision based on appearance, way of walking or jogging. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then feel superior to other people and perceive myself as adventurous for taking a less popular path than the people who walk on surfaces that have been specifically designed to be walked on in the park.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to people whom I see jogging, whenever I take a walk, and be sad and angry with myself for not being as physically fit as them and not being able to run and with that get and keep myself physically fit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer seeing plants and animals on my walks rather than people, because plants and animals do not talk and do not judge, instead of realising and understanding that any kind of judgement I am fearing from people is actually a self-judgement that I have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel calmer and happier with plants and animals than with people, because I perceive that I can be myself with plants and animals, and I perceive that with people I always have to keep up some energetic appearance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people outside of my home whom I do not know as a burden, whenever I have to pass them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger, frustration and even hatred for people outside of my home, because I do not feel comfortable in my own skin in order to share myself, my self-expression unconditionally without fear of being judged for my appearance and behaviour, for which I realise and understand that I am fearing it because I'm doing it myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid people on my walks in order to not feel judged, not realising and understanding that I am fearing only my self-judgement, which I will experience as fear of others doing it to me.
When and as I see myself trying to avoid people on my walks because I fear being judged by them for my appearance and behaviour, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am fearing judgement, because I myself have judged others by appearance and behaviour on my walks, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath within the realisation that the judgement I fear is my own self-judgement, and I release that self-judgement with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.
I commit myself to stopping myself every time I see myself wanting to avoid people on my walks due to fear of being judged by them for my appearance and behaviour, because I realise and understand that whatever judgement I am fearing that they have is actually my own self-judgement.
I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my self-judgements that I normally project as fear of others doing to me, with which I prevent myself from walking amongst people and avoid doing so because of my own judgements, because I realise and understand that with this kind of behaviour I am limiting myself from walking where I would actually like to be walking.