Day 190: Fat people as second class human beings

The treatment of fat people in our society is just a much milder form of the hatred black people had to endure solely because of their appearance. In this blog I am revealing and de-constructing the thought processes behind this phenomenon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as a second class human being because I am fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into and participate within the social construct of fat people being seen and treated as second class human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that human beings who are fat are worth less than human beings who are slim, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and negative about myself for not being slim and feel inferior to slim human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is not ok to be fat and that I have to do everything in my power to lose weight, not realising and understanding that my power to lose weight it pretty limited, and therefore feel like a failure whenever I fail to lose weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a constant and continuous wish to not be fat, and therefore exist in a constant and continuous battle with myself in order to lose weight, instead of realising and understanding that it is my perception that I need to change, and not my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as gross because of being fat, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fat people to be gross for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there is something wrong with me because fat accumulates on my body in greater quantities than on slim people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the sight of fat people is offending to thin/slim people, and therefore avoid being seen, thus closing myself off in my room and rarely go out in order to not offend anyone with the way I look.

When and as I see myself having resistances to going outside and exposing myself to people's sight due to the way I look and due to fearing how other people will see/perceive me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my own self-created mind polarity construct of definitions and perceptions about fat and thin people, therefore I investigate and release the trigger point and thought pattern with writing and self-forgiveness, I direct myself in breath and I do not allow myself to limit myself in what I do and where I go because of the way I look.

I commit myself to writing out and stopping all of my definitions and perceptions of fat people and thin people, because I realise and understand that I am limiting myself in actual physical reality due to those definitions and perceptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with sadness and anger and frustration and resentment, whenever I see and perceive that people, especially men, are treating fat people worse than thin people. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so sad that I would bawl and cry my eyes out due to my perception of this behaviour being completely unfair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic reaction of "this is so unfair", whenever I see/perceive that thin people are being treated with more attention, respect, admiration and love than fat people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, whenever I see this, and go into sadness and anger, frustration and resentment towards myself for apparently not being able to cause people to behave towards me and perceive me like they behave towards and perceive thin people, instead of remaining here in breath within the realisation that picture driven behaviour is part of the abusive ego, and that I do not have do accept and allow such an existence within myself.

When and as I see myself reacting to my perception of thin people being treated nicer than fat people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting to something that I am still allowing to exist within myself, therefore I turn the point inwards, I release the thought pattern with which I am allowing within myself the behaviour that I am reacting to, and I direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have within myself accepted and allowed a world in which fat people are seen and treated as second class human beings, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that this is ok that fat people are being treated worse than thin people, because everyone is saying how being fat is not only ugly but is also unhealthy, and that everyone should be thin in order to avoid being sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that being fat means that one is unhealthy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to have health problems in my future due to being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being fat with being unhealthy. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having heart and coronary problems in the future due to being fat, and feel powerless and helpless to do anything about it, because within my observations I have found that I can only lose weight if I starve myself, which I also know is not healthy for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being trampled and treated nastily by society for being fat, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I am the creator of my own experience, thus I am the one that has accepted and allowed society's perceptions, beliefs and constructs about fat people to become part of me, and so I am actually the one that is trampling myself and treating myself nastily based on the constructs I have adopted from society over the years of my life.

When and as I see myself feeling that society is somehow to blame that I experience myself as inferior for being fat, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am experiencing my own mind within my own body, I am participating within my own constructs that I have adopted throughout the years, therefore I stop myself and investigate and release the trigger point and thought patter with which I created the experience within myself, and I direct myself in breath within the realisation that I am unconditionally responsible for way I experience myself and am also unconditionally responsible for correcting the way I experience myself with writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all my inner experiences and energetic reactions that I have towards society's treatment of fat people, because I realise and understand that everything I see on the outside that I react to is actually my own acceptances and allowances within my mind, which I need to clear and correct into a direction that is best for me within the context of what is best for all.

Day 189: Blaming myself for the way I look - continued

This blog is a continuation of my previous blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there is something wrong with me because I am fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively and be angry at myself and hate myself, whenever I am trying to lose weight, and the number on the scale will not go down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a number on the scale, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself, whenever I see that the number on the scale has dropped from the previous day, and on the flip side feel bad about myself, whenever the number has not dropped or has increased from the previous day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having a fat body as not being eligible to do all the activities that I have defined as normal for thin people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that as long as I am fat, I will never be able to enjoy all the activities with friends, family and partners that I perceive slim people to be able to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I shouldn't be wearing a swimsuit, and that the sight of me in a swimsuit is offensive to other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fat people in a swimsuit to be an offensive sight for thin and slim people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that fat people should never be seen in a swimsuit, instead of realising and understanding that I have brainwashed myself into society standards of what it is acceptable to look like, and what is not acceptable in terms of appearance, not realising and understanding that I myself have adopted within myself the kind of thinking that I perceive to be abusive in other people, thus I am abusing myself with this kind of thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and be angry at other people for accepting and allowing and following society norms about what one's appearance should be like, and for calling fat people names and believing that fat people are ugly, instead of realising and understanding that I myself have adopted these 'norms' within myself, and am therefore abusing myself with thoughts about these norms, and it is not other people that are abusing me with their perceptions and thoughts, but me myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that it is not other people who are abusing me with their beliefs, perceptions and definitions of fat and thin people, but me myself, because I have bought into and integrated within myself the societal standards of how one should look in order to be acceptable.

When and as I see myself feeling angry or energetic in any other way about what other people think/believe/perceive about fat and slim people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not in fact reacting to what they are saying, but to my own inner beliefs/perceptions/definitions of appearance that I triggered within myself through their words. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness until I am clear of the energetic reaction, and I direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to go into energetic reactions of blame towards others or myself for having certain beliefs about fat people, but I simply remove those beliefs from myself with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, hateful and resentful, whenever I see/perceive that someone, especially someone who has in their life not struggled with weight, is trying to teach me something about weight loss. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the thoughts 'how dare you, you know nothing, I have been researching this all my life', not realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of feeling inferior, whenever someone is trying to teach me something about weight loss, and accompanying guilt for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel outraged and diminished, whenever I see/perceive that someone is trying to give me dieting advice, especially if that someone never actually was obese or had weight problems, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to take other people's comments about my weight and dieting personally. 

When and as I see myself reacting to other people telling me what I should be doing in order to lose weight, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by reacting to their statements I am allowing myself to validate myself through their words and am therefore giving my power away to someone else's perception and belief about me and weight loss, instead of remaining here in breath in self-certainty and self-trust that I know best how my body responds to various diets and weight loss plans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that losing weight is as simple as cutting my calorie intake and exercising more, and within this feel guilt and shame for not being able to do so, not realising and understanding that with this perception/belief I have clouded my ability to see what is here, and that my weight loss/gain is not following the mechanism that I have accepted myself to believe it is.

In the next blog I will investigate the things that are apparently wrong with me.

Day 188: Blaming myself for the way I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself, hate myself, be resentful towards and angry with myself for the way I look / for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt because I am fat within the belief that I am to blame that I am fat because I eat too much, instead of realising and understanding from my own observations of the amount of food I eat that there is something more going on than just the amount of food I eat that is responsible for the accumulation of fat on my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt in front of other people for being fat, because I think/believe/perceive that they are going to blame me for being fat and that I am to be blamed because I do not do anything about being fat, although I constantly and continuously battle my body to not be fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant and continuous battle with my body, within which I will work against it and deprive it of food and necessary nutrients in my belief that if I cut my food intake, I will lose weight, instead of realising and understanding from my observations of my own eating habits and weight fluctuations that I have a very limited influence on my weight, when I adjust my food intake, therefore the core of the problem is not in the amount and type of food I eat, but somewhere else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate about losing weight, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to lose weight in order to feel normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having a slim body as normal, and having a fat body as abnormal, instead of relising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of what is normal/beautiful and what is not, which I have built up through years of accumulating outside knowledge about these factors based on media and other people's perceptions of normal/beautiful and abnormal/ugly, not realising and understanding that I am with this only supporting the unreal mind polarity construct of perceptions about the human body, and am not taking into consideration the actual physical body and its functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work against my body and constantly and continuously try to make it slimmer by investigating and applying different diets and exercise plans in order to mould myself into a shape that I have perceived and defined as acceptable, instead of realising and understanding after years of this application that I am harming my body by completely ignoring it while trying to mould it into a shape that I would deem acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my body whenever I would feel hungry, because I believed that by cutting my calorie intake dramatically I will force my body to lose weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to force my body into losing weight, and within that ignore what it is telling me.

I ask my body for forgiveness for working against it all these years and trying to force it into a shape that I, within my minds polarity constructs about normalcy and beauty, have conjured up to be acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that only having a slim body is acceptable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never accept my body as my own due to perceiving that only a slim body is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel remorse about having worked against my body in complete separation of it in order to mould it into a shape that I have defined as acceptable, instead of realising and understanding that crying about time that I have lost in the past by working against my body is not going to have any practically useful outcome, and I am just wasting time with this remorse.

I ask my body for forgiveness for starving it within my minds desire to be thin, slim and have a body of a shape that I deemed acceptable and normal.

I ask my body for forgiveness for using chemicals with the starting point of wanting to lose weight, with which I substituted the nourishment and nutrients that my body needed from food.

I ask my body for forgiveness for separating myself from it in the moment when I accepted the belief that there is apparently something wrong with my body because it is fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my body by starting to believe that there is something wrong with my body because I saw/perceived it as fatter than the bodies of my female friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my body by starting to hate it, when I was being teased by my peers for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start working against my body by starving and trying to shape and mould it into something that would not cause my peers to tease me and call me names for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become reluctant to go and be outside with my peers because I was afraid all the time of being teased about being fat, and I would rather stay inside and entertain myself with tv, books and comics, while trying to figure out a way to mould and shape my body into a form that would be perceived as acceptable, that I would not be teased about, and could spend time with my peers outside in comfortable self-expression without being teased.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel cheated out of the experience of being comfortable with myself and having relaxed self-expression in the company of my peers due to being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when in company of other people, constantly and continuously be afraid and worry about people teasing me about being fat, and what they are going to say about my body, and within this never feel relaxed and ok about myself.

When and as I see myself worrying and being afraid of what other people might say or think about my body, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct that I have built up a long time ago based on my past experiences with my peers teasing me about being fat, within which I define having a slim body as acceptable and having a fat body as unacceptable. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath, not allowing myself to participate within my mind's/society's perceptions and beliefs about what a body should look like.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all perceptions, beliefs, wants, needs, desires, mind constructs about what a body should look like, because I realise and  understand that a body's appearance is not important for its functions, and that the mind/society's construct on what bodies should look like is only an abusive limiting thought pattern with which we abuse ourselves and others by participating in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with sadness, frustration, anger and resentment, whenever I was/am being teased about being fat, and feel enraged because my influence on my body's weight is very limited and I cannot mould it into the shape that would stop people from teasing me for being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and react with hatred, anger, resentment, and a wish for revenge, whenever I see/perceive that people are teasing me about being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start believing that there is something really actually wrong with me for being fat, because people were teasing me for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start wishing/wanting/needing/desiring to change myself into a shape that will not be wrong and will prevent people from teasing me about being fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a misanthrope and start hating people and hating humanity for perceiving me in a way that I do not perceive myself.

to be continued

Day 187: How words create my world

A few years ago my flatmate asked me to be honest with her. It was a touchy subject, and I should have anticipated that she would take my honesty hard, but I didn't, because I was caught up in my own desire to be seen as an honest person, as well as the belief that as long as one speaks the truth, nothing bad can happen, because the truth shall always prevail. (Assange and Snowden are proving this collective belief to be quite wrong.)

So while being caught up in my own conglomerate of beliefs, fears and desires, I was completely unaware of how my words would actually impact this person, whereas had I been clear of all this mental garbage, I would have clearly seen that my honesty was not going to have a positive outcome for this relationship, and sure enough, it crumbled and stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak before considering what kind of impact my words would have on the person that I am speaking to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so energetically possessed as to become completely unaware of the words that I am speaking and what kind of impact they are having on the people around me.

When and as I see myself being energetic and wanting to speak, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that if I speak from an energetic reaction, I am only causing discord and chaos, because I am not directing my words in breath within the context of what is best for all, but rather trying to prove a point, therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, and speak only when I am clear of all energetic reactions.

I commit myself to stopping myself whenever I see that I am being energetic, and within this I commit myself to really seeing myself whenever I am being possessed by anger/pride/vanity and effectively stopping myself in that moment with breathing within the realisation that speaking in that state of unawareness is going to have consequences that are not favourable.