Saturday, 21 June 2014

Day 189: Blaming myself for the way I look - continued

This blog is a continuation of my previous blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there is something wrong with me because I am fat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively and be angry at myself and hate myself, whenever I am trying to lose weight, and the number on the scale will not go down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a number on the scale, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself, whenever I see that the number on the scale has dropped from the previous day, and on the flip side feel bad about myself, whenever the number has not dropped or has increased from the previous day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive having a fat body as not being eligible to do all the activities that I have defined as normal for thin people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that as long as I am fat, I will never be able to enjoy all the activities with friends, family and partners that I perceive slim people to be able to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I shouldn't be wearing a swimsuit, and that the sight of me in a swimsuit is offensive to other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive fat people in a swimsuit to be an offensive sight for thin and slim people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that fat people should never be seen in a swimsuit, instead of realising and understanding that I have brainwashed myself into society standards of what it is acceptable to look like, and what is not acceptable in terms of appearance, not realising and understanding that I myself have adopted within myself the kind of thinking that I perceive to be abusive in other people, thus I am abusing myself with this kind of thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and be angry at other people for accepting and allowing and following society norms about what one's appearance should be like, and for calling fat people names and believing that fat people are ugly, instead of realising and understanding that I myself have adopted these 'norms' within myself, and am therefore abusing myself with thoughts about these norms, and it is not other people that are abusing me with their perceptions and thoughts, but me myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that it is not other people who are abusing me with their beliefs, perceptions and definitions of fat and thin people, but me myself, because I have bought into and integrated within myself the societal standards of how one should look in order to be acceptable.

When and as I see myself feeling angry or energetic in any other way about what other people think/believe/perceive about fat and slim people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not in fact reacting to what they are saying, but to my own inner beliefs/perceptions/definitions of appearance that I triggered within myself through their words. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness until I am clear of the energetic reaction, and I direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to go into energetic reactions of blame towards others or myself for having certain beliefs about fat people, but I simply remove those beliefs from myself with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, hateful and resentful, whenever I see/perceive that someone, especially someone who has in their life not struggled with weight, is trying to teach me something about weight loss. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the thoughts 'how dare you, you know nothing, I have been researching this all my life', not realising and understanding that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct of feeling inferior, whenever someone is trying to teach me something about weight loss, and accompanying guilt for being fat.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel outraged and diminished, whenever I see/perceive that someone is trying to give me dieting advice, especially if that someone never actually was obese or had weight problems, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to take other people's comments about my weight and dieting personally. 

When and as I see myself reacting to other people telling me what I should be doing in order to lose weight, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by reacting to their statements I am allowing myself to validate myself through their words and am therefore giving my power away to someone else's perception and belief about me and weight loss, instead of remaining here in breath in self-certainty and self-trust that I know best how my body responds to various diets and weight loss plans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that losing weight is as simple as cutting my calorie intake and exercising more, and within this feel guilt and shame for not being able to do so, not realising and understanding that with this perception/belief I have clouded my ability to see what is here, and that my weight loss/gain is not following the mechanism that I have accepted myself to believe it is.

In the next blog I will investigate the things that are apparently wrong with me.

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