Thursday, 16 August 2012

Day 26: Abandoning all hope revisited


Event: I was being spiteful towards my partner for the choices that he makes, and afterwards I wanted to explain myself to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to explain to my partner what is going on inside me, because I want him to understand me, so that he would want to be with me in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within and as myself to remain with my partner, not seeing, realising and understanding that I had accepted and allowed myself to define specific experiences, such as interacting with my partner and having sex with him and being intimate with him as positive within myself, thus accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from these experiences thus seeking and desiring my partner to fulfil these experiences within and as myself. Now I see, realise and understand that I had separated myself from intimacy within the desire to have intimacy with my partner, instead of me being intimate with me.

When and as I see myself wanting to be with my partner in the future, I stop and breathe. I realise that my desire to be with my partner in the future is of the mind, which wants to abdicate my full self-responsibility to relationships with other people of it's 'liking', therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I look within and as myself as to what I had given a positive connotation to as I now see, realise and understand that it is the positive connotations that creates the desire within and as myself where I desire to experience these experiences not seeing, realising and understanding that through me separating myself from these experiences I had accepted and allowed myself to create the polarity and thus the desire within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner and other people, when/as I see them trying to teach me knowledge, which they do not apply themselves, instead of realising that I am reacting to that point, because I still carry it within me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within and as myself to be heard and considered by other people, when/as I am sharing my knowledge about life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to teach people knowledge with conveying it to them from my memories through my mind's interpretation of it, instead of realising that I can only show knowledge that I have lived practically as common sense.

When and as I see myself wanting to teach knowledge to people from memories instead of knowledge that I have lived, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to want to teach people, because I realise that I will only cause friction with doing so. Instead I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself totake my partner's decisions personally and be hurt by them and disappointed in him for making them, and want/need/desire to persuade him to change them, instead of realising that I am doing so, because I'm hoping to be with him in the future, as I had created a belief within and as myself that only he is able to fulfil the desires that I had created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within myself that only my partner can fulfil the desires that I had created within myself, instead of realising how I am furthering the separation within and as myself by believing that I need a partner to fulfil my desires of the mind.

When and as I see myself hoping that my partner will change and hoping to be able to be with him in the future, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to go into hope, because I realise that hoping is an energetic state of the mind. Therefore I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as hope, instead of realising how I am abdicating my power with hoping that something will happen in the future and within that am abdicating my responsibility to direct myself in the future.

I commit myself to not accept hope within and as myself as I now see, realise and understand that hope is a mind delusion, with which I abdicate my power to something or someone outside of me to direct things for me in a preferred direction for me. 

When and as I see myself going into any kind of hope, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to exist within and as hope. Instead I release the point of hope with self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense.

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