Friday, 21 September 2012

Day 35: Where will I live?

I have a fear and it revolves around not having a home and not knowing where I will be living in the future. I am all alone, and since I am not buying into the whole 'love' deal, I am not eligible to partner up with someone and lie to them for an unspecified amount of time (until they get it themselves) just to be able to live somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried about and afraid of not having anywhere to live in the future, instead of allowing myself to walk breath by breath within and as the physical and identify and see what routes are accessible and available for me to take.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful and jealous of people whom I perceive to be 'safe' in terms of having their own home, instead of realising that I am limiting myself with jealousy and spitefulness and disabling myself to do something about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/define/perceive people who I perceive are not willing to share what I perceive as their 'good fortune' with me as selfish and not understanding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I can only have safety of 'my own home' if I have a partner to build that home with me, instead of realising that I am the sole creator of my experience and therefore only I am responsible for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a partner so that we could have a home together, instead of realising that I am playing into a belief system and following a preprogrammed path of partnership within capitalism, where one needs a partner in order to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that one needs a partner in this world in order to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate and define having a partner with having a home and consequential safety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate and define having one's own home with safety and security within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind make my partner responsible for my living arrangements, instead of realising how I am abdicating my self-responsibility in doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like no one cares for me because no one cares where I live, instead of realising that I am giving into a mechanism of self-pity and breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself for not having my own home, instead of taking it breath by breath within and as the physical and see what I can do about my situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for not having my own home, instead of realising that feeling sorry for myself is actually disabling me from acting and investigating what I can do for myself.
Feeling sorry - giving into the situation and abdicating my self-responsibility for my own survival and living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that feeling sorry for myself means that I am giving up in a given situation, and am making others responsible for my own survival and living, and that is not acceptable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the mechanism of "feeling sorry for myself", instead of realising that I am putting myself up for failure within it by abdicating my absolute self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility by feeling sorry for myself in a given situation.
When and as I see myself starting to feel sorry for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that feeling sorry for myself means that I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility, therefore I release the trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and expose it within myself as the abdication of self-responsibility that it is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive home as a place where I am safe from the outside world, instead of realising that I am separating myself from the world by fearing it and wanting to be safe inside a home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the world within my fear of not being safe in the world and not having my own home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define the world as something separate from me and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the world as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the world is out to get me, and I have to protect myself inside a home that I defined as separate from the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack my partner within my fear of not being able to survive alone in this world with blame when/as I see/perceive that he doesn't want to help me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot survive alone without a partner in this world, instead of realising that I am limiting myself within this belief and abdicating my absolute self-responsibility and ability to take care of myself and find solutions for myself. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as unable to survive alone without a partner in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear surviving alone without a partner in this world, instead of realising that I am limiting and disabling myself to act within this fear.
Family
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as 'all alone in this world', because I perceive that my family has forsaken me, instead of realising that I am defining myself with not having a family and longing for protection within such a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to define myself with a family and wish to have a family that I could run to, instead of realising that I am wanting to run away from having to face myself in absolute self-responsibility by wanting to have a family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my family has forsaken me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself within that perception, instead of realising that I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility by doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as forsaken by my family in order to be able to feel sorry for myself and not have to take absolute self-responsibility. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad, inferior and disappointed because I perceived that my family has forsaken me, instead of realising that I was feeling disappointed because I couldn't get them to take care of me as I wanted to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my family should always take care of me, instead of realising that money is the glue that binds families together, and as soon as moneyruns out, the family is destroyed and it is every man for himself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel spiteful towards the construct of family within this world and feel jealous of those that have families, because I perceive that they have an easier survival within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that family is a construct that makes it easier for individuals to survive in this world, instead of realising how it is keeping up the separation, wars, famine and violence within this world by favouring some people over others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive connotation to the word 'family'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word family within my fear of not having a family and not being safe within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against my family, because I perceived that they had forsaken me, instead of realising that I am angry because I want to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility and make my family responsible for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a family because I perceive that it is easier to survive within this world when one has a family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word family within my belief that it is easier to survive in this world when one has a family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word family within my belief that it offers protection and my desire to have the protection of a family so that I wouldn't have to be absolutely responsible for myself. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel forsaken by my family, instead of realising that I am generating this emotion within my wish to abdicate my absolute self-responsibility, so I wouldn't have to take care of myself by myself in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel all alone and vulnerable within my inability to manipulate people to my whims, instead of realising how this feeling of aloneness and feeling sorry for myself is me trying to manipulate myself into a victim position, where I am not responsible for my thoughts and consequential actions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with the feeling of aloneness, instead of realising that I am hiding within this excuse from myself and from having to take absolute self-responsibility, because I realise and understand that I am physically fine, and all troubles that I am having - I have created for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of taking full responsibility for my thoughts and consequential actions, instead of realising that I can only trust myself within absolute self-responsibility.
When and as I see myself wanting to blame another for my own thoughts and actions, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to blame, instead I release my thoughts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
When and as I see myself going into self-pity over not having a home or a family, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that 'home' and 'family' are definitions of the mind, they have nothing to do with me physically breathing here. Therefore I release the trigger point of self-pity with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
When and as I see myself wanting to blame other people and call them selfish for not wanting to share their 'good fortune', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that blame is a mind mechanism that keeps me from taking absolute self-responsibility, therefore I release the trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I realise and understand that blame is a mechanism that keeps me from taking absolute self-responsibility and responsibility for my world, therefore I commit myself to stop all blame within myself and my world.
When and as I see myself wanting to blame my partner for my own situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am absolutely self-responsible, therefore any kind of blame is me abdicating that absolute self-responsibility. I release the trigger points for blame with self-forgiveness and I direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop blaming my partner for my own situation.
I commit myself to stop blaming other people, my family, my friends and my colleagues for my own situation, and I commit myself to stop comparing my situation to that of other people so that I could blame them and label them as selfish and within that feel sorry for myself - because I realise and understand that blaming and feeling sorry for myself is an abdication of my absolute self-responsibility.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness expose and remove all blame from within myself and my world and take absolute self-responsibility for myself, my thoughts and consequential actions.

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